Back in Lima, Bree enters Sue’s office wearing a dress made entirely of caution tape. She’s dressed like Lady Gaga, but strangely so is Sue, wearing a stylish and elegant yet practical face cage (Saw IV by Ann Taylor Loft). Bree tells Sue her plan to “throw a little Gaga” Jake’s way, in the hopes of seducing him away from Marley and just generally screwing with the Glee club. Sue calls Schuester’s Katy-Gaga week “the most annoying thing they’ve ever done,” which is just hilarious. “Why must we always choose between female pop archetypes?” Sue cries out. “Why can’t we be them all!?”
Let’s check in with Marley and Jake. See, Jake has been feeling a little bored (read: horny) lately doing the same thing over and over again with his super vanilla (that wasn’t a racial thing) girlfriend. Case in point: Marley wants to go to Breadstix for a Julie Andrews movie marathon. Jake begs her to shake it up a bit, so Marley suggests they go to something called orchid mania, or to a mobile cat adoption at the mall. “You are such a Katy,” says Jake. “Why, because I like cats and flowers and Julie Andrews?” asks Marley. And suddenly, it starts to become apparent that nobody on Glee’s writing staff actually knows who Katy Perry is.
Horny Jake wants more edge, so Marley suggests a John Mayer concert, and Horny Jake reluctantly agrees because he thinks there’s the slim chance that she’ll finally let him into her skinny jeans. And then in comes Bree, dressed in her cheer uniform instead of the Gaga caution tape dress (maybe she realized Yellow is the new Nothing, Ever). Bree asks Jake for help choreographing a number for the Cheerios, and Marley insists he do it, because boring old Marley doesn’t realize that Bree is a maniacal she-bitch, and because maybe that’ll free up more time for boring old Marley to do boring old things like admire her collection of glass animals or read Silas Marner on her Nook SimpleTouch.
In the auditorium, Sam has taken control of the Gagas to create a “scary and weird and controversial” show so he can win over Nurse Penny. He decides that in order to guarantee a sold-out show, he has to recruit some Little Monsters, so his first target is Becky, whom he stops in the hallway. “Bug off! I don’t do handies,” she says as my jaw unhinges and crashes into the floor. Sam pleads his case, and it turns out that Becky has no idea what a Gaga (“Who?”) or Katy Perry (“The Governor of Texas?”) is.
Becky quickly learns, because she’s in Sue’s office for morning announcements, interrupting a lesson in which Mr. Schuester is teaching students about the Iroquois origins of the word Ohio (remember when he was a Spanish teacher?). Becky instructs the school to open their laptops, which they all do (that would never fly in my high school, which once banned yo-yos), and Sam has somehow found a way to override every single media device at McKinley High, but nobody is worried about that because they’re captivated by Sam’s super wacky teaser video instructing everyone to go to the auditorium after school. Sam personally invites Nurse Penny, who says she can’t attend because she’s getting her ears pierced (she’s edgy like that).
NEXT: Sam becomes a cyber-criminal mastermind