Back at the Bushwick Hotel for Non-Rent Paying McKinley Graduates, Sam has been playing Roller Coaster Tycoon in the same spot on Kurt and Blaine’s couch for anywhere from two to eight months without booking a single modeling gig. He hates New York and thinks, “Sometimes it’s just easier if you stay inside.” While I have seconded that sentiment just about every Friday night and Sunday morning for the last three months of this hellacious winter (hey, I've got a
modeling job and a giant apartment and a 24/7 town car!), Blaine says Sam has to get it together, so he takes him exactly where you should take anyone feeling overwhelmed by the city: Times effing Square. It seems to work though; a little street performance was all Sam needed to feel better, and he’s joining Blaine on American Authors’ “Best Day of My Life” in no time, although you never really hear his voice. B
After a hearty round of applause from the 12 people in Times Square (and not a single one of them in an off-brand Elmo costume), Blaine heads off to sneak up on Kurt in mime class, a particularly prime class for sneaking. While Kurt practices “a mime’s most heartbreaking expression -- the pulling of the invisible rope," Blaine tells him he’s managed to get into six of his eight classes -- yay! And wouldn’t you know it, at the very moment all that togetherness they were once so excited about starts to feel stifling to Kurt, his mime professor traps him in a damn invisible box with his overbearing fiancé. Typical mimes.
Artie finally makes it back to Bushwick’s Biggest Industrial Sized Loft to explain how he was mugged by a Gap model on crutches while Blaine Soda Streams to Kurt's annoyance. Rachel, flying high from her glamorous life of avoiding foot traffic, comes in demanding non-bubbling beverages and telling Artie she totally understands about feeling vulnerable, in a very Shoshanna-like fashion. You see, she once accidentally gave a homeless man $10 when she only meant to give him $1, and when she asked if he could make change, everyone booed and hissed at her. Artie, out a laptop and a screenplay, but never out of sass, tells Rachel she can shove her attitude and her limo right up her -- “It's not a limo, it’s a town car!”
Kurt meets up with Elliot for band practice -- I guess it’s just the two of them now -- in the guitar store that bonded them. You know what that means: time to rock and roll with Adam Lambert! After Kurt tells him he’s feeling stifled by Blaine, Elliot suggests not worrying too much, but setting some boundaries and, of course, singing A Great Big World’s “Rockstar” right then and there. In an episode that’s been pretty literal in its song choices so far, I’m not totally sure why they sing this song, but I do know I like it. Adam Lambert pop rocks the hell out of his last Glee performance and Kurt even gets in a little volunteer crowd surfing. A-. (Note: We will come to find that Kurt/Elliot is not an agenda Glee was pushing, but was that look not particularly lingering glance at the end of their performance??)
Over in Brooklyn, Blaine is not catching onto the overbearing vibes he's putting out as he sections out part of the loft's living room for a new workspace to surprise Kurt. Sam comes over and worries that the tape Blaine is laying down might actually be outlining dead bodies, but that’s proabably just because he can finally see past his hair again thanks to his fresh new One Direction haircut. It’s earned him his first modeling gig – “booty contouring underwear for men” – and he has Blaine to thank. Less thankful is Kurt, who arrives home and begins screaming at Blaine about messing with his interior design. I’ll be honest, the acting and writing take a bit of a weird turn when Elliot comes up: “We were talking!” "I bet you were talking.” “He’s my friend.” “I bet he’s your friend.” This is the best we could do, Murphy?
Hey remember when Blaine cheated on Kurt just for kicks? He doesn’t! He marches right over to poor Elliot’s apartment and accuses him of trying to break up their teen marriage. I really wish there was a web series of Elliot hanging out with his other friends, telling them about the insane group of people he’s met recently… "They all went to this high school that just, like, churns out professional entertainers, and, I swear, when they’re not trying to live with me, they all stay in one apartment that doesn’t even have any walls. Super weird, man.”
Starchild, saint that he is, thrusts an acoustic guitar in Blaine’s arms like a body pillow and tells him to calm the hell down. Kurt loves him, he talks about him all the time. But in a hustle and bustle place like New York, you’ve got to remember to take some time out to breathe and get some space. They do a little impromptu jamming (I’ve always been jealous that this is an actual thing that musical people do) and Blaine is on his way. So long Starchild, you really were a surprising voice of reason to lead us through the darkness. (Also, can I stay on your couch?)
NEXT: But really, don't sleep on the subway. That is very dangerous...