Glee recap: Three's Company Too

Santana and Rachel try to rope Elliot into their diva-feud; Tina, Sam and Blaine attempt to conquer their looming graduation through song (and a minor B & E).
Ep. 10 | Aired Mar 4, 2014

BUT WHO'S THE DIANA? Kurt, Dani and Starchild ditch those drama queens to form One Three Hill, or as my roommate mistakenly called them, Wait Demi Lovato and Adam Lambert Are Both On This Show Now?

Adam Rose/Fox

After Sue and Beiste take the time to explain to Will that encouraging Emma to pee on a stick in the school bathroom every time they have sex in a school broom closet is probably not the best way to keep her stress levels down, he makes a plan to woo her into calmly conceiving a child. It starts with shaking off the fear that they won’t be able to get pregnant by turning the craft room into a nursery, and naturally turns into Kenny Loggins’ “Danny’s Song.” They paint, they sing, they watch Ever After, and then they very casually – no pressure! – try to make a baby. B

Santana and Rachel might need to borrow that copy of Ever After because their feud is reaching a fever pitch at the diner where a performance of Laura Branigan’s “Gloria” has been specially requested. Santana offers to take the lead with Elliot backing her up and then Rachel exclaims Glee’s thesis statement to him: “Why don’t you back both of us up and then at the end you can decide which one of us is better!” And, well, Santana, Rachel and Starchild is a trio I’m just not ever going to turn down, especially with Rachel fighting so hard for the spotlight she almost throws a shoulder out. I would also like to request screen grabs of every single one of Kurt’s exasperated Jim faces. A

Elliot quits the band as long as Rachel and Santana are still fighting, so Kurt sits them down and calls them on their selfishness. Pamela Lansbury is going to three, meaning Santana’s girlfriend Dani (I didn’t realize it was Facebook official) is all on board with kicking her out of the band, and ready to rock out with Kurt and Elliot in newly formed trio One Three Hill. Kurt, Starchild and Dani (but really, Demi Lovato) have very different styles, and I was not expecting “The Happening” by The Supremes to erupt from their tuxedos; but it’s jazzy, it’s on theme (when you’ve got a love you take care of/then you better beware of/the happening) and it seems everything is just bigger in New York. A-

Santana finds Rachel digging through her panty drawer, formerly Rachel’s scented candle drawer, and the two have a frank discussion about their female friendships: In between the boyfriends and the solos, they haven’t really developed any. It’s a really nice moment where two very different people try to understand each other in ways they’ll probably never be able to. Santana seized an opportunity much like Rachel might have, and Rachel thinks a friend wouldn’t have handled it the way Santana did. But how much of a friendship had they every really built? I’m glad they didn’t immediately make up, or swear each other as mortal enemies, but will hopefully continue to develop this rift like normal humans…if normal humans were the lead and the lead’s understudy in a Broadway play.

Finally, after a bit of an overreaction to Sam and Tina’s getting-it-out-of-their-system lusting (but I agree, waaaay too much boob talk), Blaine apologizes for freaking out about things changing. They finally try to bring Artie into their exclusive trio, but he says it’s too little too late on the hate-orade train, and I’m all in on him giving them the side eye. But then they invite him to sing Wilson Phillips’ “Hold On” and I guess there’s just only so much a man can resist. The song flashes between the McKinley seniors, One Three Hill in the loft, and Santana and Rachel both looking regretful by windows. I know Demi is done, but is Adam Lambert on retainer for a while? The New York crew is really meshing.

“Trio” was, joke-for-joke, one of the funnier episodes this season, don’t you think? Let’s end on a few Best Lines:

- “I am aware that the pheromones emitted from your porous bird lady pelvis can cause an overwhelming urge to copulate in some emotionally stunted man-children with butt chins, who befriend teenagers who can’t rap…” – Sue being both insulting and shockingly understanding after finding out about Will and Emma’s “copulating"
- “Sounds dangerous, I’m in.” – Sam, former stripper, excited for a rebellious (student council approved) lock-in
- “When Michael Bolton impregnated me, he called in a favor from his old friend Kenny G, who serenaded us on a soprano sax…” – Sue, teaching a new generation about romance while giving Will pregnancy advice
- Will’s pick for a baby name: Gandharva (celestial musician)
- When Will tells the glee club the one thing they still need to get ready for Nationals, he very meaningfully says, “Don’t forget your sunblock,” and for one second my mind flashes back to 1997 and I think they’re going to perform “Everybody’s Free (To Wear Sunscreen).” Oh, what could have been.

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