I apologize for the title of this recap, but Glee is all about teamwork (and also, the selfish tendencies of artists…and, occasionally, hot button social issues), so if I have to have the Three’s Company theme song in my head all day, then so do you!
Tonight’s episode has a sense that everyone is moving on from something: the McKinley seniors, from high school; Rachel and Santana from already fragile friendships; and the show itself, getting closer and closer to leaving Lima behind. Even though it’s one of Kitty’s lines (and Becca Tobin’s delivery) that makes me laugh the hardest right from the start – “Why does everything you say have to sound like that?” – there’s hardly a glimpse of Marley n’ the Gang the whole episode. In trios, someone almost always gets left behind, so it makes sense that, as the show begins shedding cast members and storylines for a fresh New York spring, it would call on the trio theme, even if it didn’t totally stick to the formula the whole time (because, ya know, three’s kind of a crowd when it comes to making babies).
Speaking of wildly inappropriate methods of making babies: This episode of Glee starts with Emma storming into Will’s classroom, saying, “It’s time, we have to do it right now,” and I think, Wow, that really sounds like she’s saying they need to go have sex. And then, that is exactly what she was saying. They – a teacher in the middle of explaining the Donner Party, and the guidance counselor – go into a McKinley High broom closet and begin audibly trying to procreate. Becky, now scarred for life, catches them in the act and turns them over to Principal Sue, who proceeds to not immediately fire them. You see, they’re trying to conceive a child (“Oh god, WHY?”) and Emma has a reproductive system like an atomic clock. And it all may not have been in vain because, as she tells her superior, they were able to “achieve a successful emission.” I think I speak for all of us when I say: AGGGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!
To kick off trio week, Blaine, Sam and Tina ironically sing one of Destiny’s Child’s last songs recorded as a quartet, but I don’t care, because it’s “Jumpin’ Jumpin,” a song that, by its very nature, won’t let the party stop (so let’s make it hot, hot). I know Tina is the Glee club’s official Michelle, but she really holds it down on the lead, while Blaine sings backup and Sam shows off his officially-full-blown-Carol-Brady haircut. B+ They knew the song wouldn’t work for Nationals, but as seniors they realize they’re running out of time to sing together as a trio, which Artie helpfully points out, is not as strong as a *cough* quartet of seniors might have been. Why all the Artie hate tonight?
In New York, Rachel is wearing a leather skort, having a low-key solo rehearsal with a full band, and writing herself into the role of “Elliot’s new roommate.” I must give Starchild all the props in the world for nipping that Best Gay stuff in the bud, but he still couldn’t resist letting Rachel move in with him, more due to his NYC rent than her being “like some[bed-stealing] heroine from a lost Tennessee Williams play.” Hey, why not cement this beautiful friendship (of necessity) with a song: Ooooh, “Barracuda.” No one makes the most of every speck of space in an empty room quite like Adam Lambert – is it because he’s so tall, or just because he knows how to ROCK? Rachel holds her own vocally, and Starchild shows her a thing or two about lunging your way into rock runs. A
In this week’s edition of What’s Eating Tina Cohen-Chang, Tina Cohen-Chang is super sad about graduating. And by super sad, I mean she's completely off her emotional rocker. When she’s not singing a Destiny’s Child song, she’s weeping in a color blocked dress heap on the ground. Luckily, Blaine and Sam (still no Artie) start crafting a plan for “something so epic” that in 30 years, they’ll still be talking with each other about it. I was all in on Sam’s idea to sneak a cow into the school, but when Blaine suggests a lock-in (approved by the student council, because Blaine), my nostalgia synapses kick into full gear: Senior Class Lock-In to Save Tina’s Sanity!
Or not, because Sue is ruling no due to “budget cuts, safety concerns and, oh, I don’t know, let’s say Obamacare.” So those three crazy kids sneak into the school at night for their own damn lock-in. But can you really call it a lock-in if you have to provide your own snacks, and there’s no chance of making out with one of the seniors in your youth group? Eh, what do I know, I’ve never run through the halls of McKinley High singing “Don’t You (Forget About Me).” I don’t know if it’s that this iconic song might have been better served by more than three cast members, or that I get really uncomfortable with people messing around with fire extinguishers (it’s dangerous – that is not marshmallow fluff in there!), but, for me, this one doesn’t really go anywhere special. C+
Maybe that’s why Tina and Sam take it upon themselves to go to their own special place, in the form of feeling each other up in the science lab while Blaine plays Twister with a recently arrived Becky, hopped up on 11-hour Energies. When Blaine discovers the Makeout That Wine Coolers Built, he’s quite upset that Sam and Tina made their “friendly threesome” a duo and scampers off.
NEXT: “The only work of art that belongs in here is the one we’re gonna make together.” - Will Schuester, poet