Sue in love? Quinn in civilian clothing? Will and Ken in a showdown? Puck and Rachel, sitting in a (Jewish) tree? Much like a slushie in the face, this week's episode of Glee provided some bursts of unexpected flavor (even if it did skimp a bit on the Mercedes and Kurt). If you're thirsting for a recap of last night's action, bust a move and relive ''Mash-Up'' below.
The simple act of tossing a Big Quench in someone's face turned out to be the latest craze in high school humiliation — the new wedgie, if you will. (BTW: Ever receive a wedgie? I did once. Never wear Fruit of the Loom tighty whities. They bend but they don't break. And trust me, you want them to break.) Anyway, the episode opened with a hockey jock named Karofsky showering Finn in frosty beverage, revenge for a joke Finn made in fifth grade about his pubes. Karofsky sneered that by joining Glee Club and impregnating Quinn, Finn had now killed his social status. ''Welcome to the new world order,'' Karofsky told Finn and Quinn. But of the many slushie facials that occurred in this hour (''Bros before hi-hos, dude''), the standout was Kurt's: When Finn stood there, agonizing about having to nail Kurt so his football buds wouldn't beat him up, Kurt took Finn's cup out of his hands and inflicted the rain of pain on himself. Dripping wet and trying to hold it together, he dismissed Finn, but not before telling him to think about whether his teammates would ever commit such a selfless act for him. As soon as Finn left, Kurt preciously barked: ''Someone get me to a day spa! Stat!''
Things that make you go hmmm...
No matter how unpopular Finn and Quinn were, would they really seek out advice from prim, uptight guidance counselor Emma about how to be cool? (Then again, that scene did give us a couple of good lines. Quinn: ''Status is like currency. When your bank account is full, you can get away with doing just about anything. But right now, we're, like, toxic assets.'' And Emma, absurdly suggesting that Finn and Quinn wear sunglasses (after she lost herself gazing at Will outside her office), just like celebrities: ''Even at night. Doesn't even need to be day. Very popular. Gives you a sense of mystery, you know... rappers.'')
Puckerman puckers up with... Rachel?
Call him Bombshell Boy. First we found out that Noah ''Puck'' Puckerman — that mohawked Jewish football player-cum-Glee Clubber — was the father of Quinn's baby. Then we saw him playing guitar in Rachel's bedroom while she sang ''What a Girl Wants'' and asking her to make out? You're right, voice-over Puck, it's wack! To explain this eyebrow-raiser, voice-over Puck told us the story of how his family was in the middle of their traditional celebration of Simchas Torah (Chinese food, Schindler's List) when his mother gave him the sweet-and-sour pork (!) and called him out for not dating a Jewish girl. That night, Puck had a dream about Rachel and woke up with the religious realization that ''Rachel was a hot Jew and the good Lord wanted me to get into her pants.'' (Oy — he's not the classiest suitor. But an intriguing one nonetheless.)
Despite a whirlwind courtship that involved a Big Quench not tossed in her face, Rachel wasn't totally smitten, as she still yearned for a goy named Finn. Props to Puck for his response when Rachel told him in the heat of the moment that she couldn't do this anymore (''Why? We're a couple of good-lookin' Jews. It's natural''), and his excellent wooing with Neil Diamond's ''Sweet Caroline,'' or, as he called it, a ''personal tribute to a musical Jewish icon.'' (Note the longing look that Quinn shot Puck during his performance.) Alas, Puck and Rachel couldn't quite get on the same page. He chose football over Glee Club, closing the door on Rachel, but then changed his mind, only to have her close the door on him. While he got her to admit that she'd hoped that their fling would make Finn jealous, she called him out for harboring a crush on Quinn. (Keep digging, Rachel — there's a little more to that story....)
NEXT: Ken and Will's big showdown