Last night, Puck lost his all his authority in the halls of McKinley high. A dermatologist shaved his mohawk. ''They maimed me over a freakin' freckle!'' he said. On the soundtrack, an a cappella version of the Jaws theme played. The dregs of school society could sense a sea change. Jacob Ben Israel, the nerd king, told Puck: ''You're like a toddler with a loose lid on his sippy cup.'' Into the trash went the former bully. On Deadwood, they referred to this as a Hooplehead Rebellion.
Unlikely, you say? Puck's still a star athlete and a bad-boy pool cleaner, you say? Getting a bad haircut wouldn't completely ruin someone's social standing, you say? Ahh, but don't forget: this is exactly what happened to Samson, Andre Agassi, and Keri Russell. Puck needed a way to get back into the spotlight. Samson worked the Philistine treadmill until his hair grew back. Andre Agassi wore a wig. Keri Russell starred in The Curve. Puck's plan was simpler, and far more effective. ''That black chick from Glee club used to suck, and now she's all kinds of popular,'' he noticed schemingly. (I like how Puck often seems only barely aware of other people and the world around him. He's like a younger version of Creed from The Office.)
Meanwhile, Rachel sensed something amiss during singing practice. (Mystery solved: they actually DO have singing practice!) She convinced the president of the AV club to run a Gene Hackman Special on the choir room. Sure enough, half the club wasn't even singing. Rachel Angry! Rachel Smash! Rachel Bring Up Legitimate Concerns To Mr. Schuester, But Do So In A Shrill Manner!
Will Schuester knows that all drama can be solved by a song, which brings us to this week's assignment:
''Come up with a song that best represents how you see yourself. Where you are in your lives right now.''
On the scale of Glee assignments, this was far below ''Find a song with ''Hello'' in the title'' and ''Make a new mash-up.'' A song that represents how the characters feel? Isn't that what they sing every week?
Song 1: ''The Climb''
I love exactly one Miley Cyrus song: her totally bat-crazy Timbaland jam ''We Belong to the Music.''(Okay, ''Party in the USA'' is also great, but only when you're celebrating America defeating Russia at sports.) But I was vaguely optimistic that Rachel would turn this into an enjoyable throat-burner, with swooping camera moves and dramatic facial expressions.
Jango! Instead, Rachel's vocal chords broke down, so she was only as good as everyone on American Idol. Was this some kind of brilliant meta-joke about Miley Cyrus' singing voice? Probably not. And it's probably not fair to rate this as an actual song. So I'll just rate it by how much I laughed at Brittany's deadpan facial reaction: Grade: A+
NEXT: Did they name the character Jesse St. James just so they could do the song ''Jessie's Girl''? Maybe.