Sam, being Sam, takes Mercedes' instruction as an opportunity train McConaughey so that he can keep him. The training consists of Artie, the Doggy Gauntlet of Doom (working title), and an impromptu performance of "Werewolves Of London." It's as weird and awesome as that song always is, but somehow oddly fitting for a dog training sesh with your bro. I really do like Chord Overstreet's voice -- I thought he led off "I Melt With You" perfectly -- but I think an Artie lead might have been a better fit here. Eh, semantics: the werewolf has gotten his big dish of beef chow mein, and McConaughey is trained after just a few runs through an obstacle course. The dog is a genius! Or is it Sam? B
Mercedes doesn't think it's Sam. At least, she doesn't imply that she thinks Sam has the brains and maturity to pull off taking care of a dog when she arrives back home, furious to find McConaughey the tamed beast still around. Sam finally stands his ground and says Mercedes is treating him like a boy, not a man. He can take care of a dog -- he took care of his whole family when his parents lost their jobs, after all. Mercedes probably really had let that slip her mind; I know I had. In the fourth and fifth seasons, Sam became a caricature of himself: just a silly guy who seemed like he could barely take care of himself. But he's not that, and it's interesting that Colfer took the time to remind us of this. As a result, he takes the Sam/Mercedes relationship to a much more mature level. There's actually conflict here: Sam says he can handle everything, but Mercedes knows that, with their busy lives, it would be unfair to McConaughey. Under normal circumstances, I would side with Mercedes immediately, but...puppy! And responsible Sam!
Dogs on dogs on dogs: Blaine and Artie set up shop on the street, where they helpfully point out Rachel to the paparazzi as she makes her very casual, very not staged dog-walking appearance. Even though she's hard to miss, because she's walking SIX giant dogs. It's a lot of energy to deal with. Just as the cameras get to her and she starts talking up Broadway Bitches (and herself), the pups spot an innocent man with an unassuming hot dog. The dogs start to pull her, a few get off their leashes, and the few that don't drag Rachel all the way down the street on her stomach in her perfect Audrey Hepburn little black dress. Santana the New PR Star looks on in horror as her hard work tumbles down the street.
When Rachel is recovering from being walked by her
props rescue dogs, Kurt arrives back home to the Brooklyn Loft: Land of Achievable Dreams to tell Santana and Rachel that he got a part he's excited about. They act like the role isn't serious, and even though he explicitly asks them to come, both say they can't make it because of Rachel's event. Kurt reminds Rachel that he bends over backward for her anytime she needs anything. It's true -- Kurt has been almost entirely saint-like for the last 20 or so episodes. If he wants to do a little retirement home theater with old people, well then, he can, because it makes him happy. And Rachel should be happy that he's happy. But she still says no, because she's "doing this for the aaaaaanimals." On the same spectrum, but opposite ends from Sam, Colfer seemingly takes Rachel back to an earlier version of herself for this episode; a Rachel that is at her most selfish and vain. Kurt pointedly informs her that she isn't doing anything for any animals, she's doing it all for herself.
Back at Peter Pan rehearsal, everything is looking a little ridiculous. People are flying into each other and falling asleep and Billy Dee Williams is insisting they should have done The Importance of Being Earnest. He's been a total know-it-all ever since he was a question on Jeopardy, you see. Maggie receives flowers from her daughter, telling her that she won't be able to make it to the show, and I get all choked up thinking about how she's probably holding back her disappointment with a smile -- only for the nurse to tell Kurt that Maggie sends herself flowers every so often to keep up appearances, and her daughter, Clara, hasn't come to see her in years. This will not stand!
NEXT: Saint Kurt branches outside of McKinley alumni...