As the Honorary Rachel, Blaine calls a secret gathering of the New Directions. Something must be done about Schu: the playlist he provided for Regionals is simply too dated and he’s not listening to reason. Marley tries to pitch her original music once again, but Kitty’s not having it. “Please,” she says. “No one wants to hear a song about a fat mom.” They decide they’ll pick a new set list, then break the news to Schu.
Where is the college Finn is attending? I went to Boston College, a notorious party school, and it looked nothing like this. What were we doing wrong? Instead of learning, Finn’s playing ticket master to an impromptu Slip 'n Slide party. The price of admission? “I’m going to need you to pay me with your bikini tops,” Finn informs two hopeful girls, who promptly doff their tops and get a-sliding. Nudity! Schu of course picks this time to make good with Finn. “Looks like you’re really having the college experience,” he wryly observes. Too much fun, in fact. Despite apologizing, Schu cannot lure Finn back from his newfound hedonistic existence. Hmm, McKinley High vs. topless girls on a Slip 'n Slide. Tough decision.
The New Directions present Schu with their song choices, but after his rejection at the hands of Finn, Schu’s feeling particularly testy. “Why would you do that?” he asks, then tells them all off. Someone’s feeling hormonal without his teaching sidekick. At least he has the decency to look regretful.
Yay, Idina Menzel! Rachel’s mama puts in an appearance between coaching Broadway babies to prep her daughter for the Funny Girl audition. Rachel was a little afraid that her birth mother might be jealous of her, given that this was the part Shelby always wanted to play as well. But Shelby’s mature. She’s not going to begrudge her own daughter her dream part. She will, however, insist she not sing Barbra. You can hear the record scratch in Rachel’s head. Not Barbra?! But Shelby’s got a point. They’re not going to want a rehash of the character; they’ll want something fresh. And so to inspire her daughter, they perform Emeli Sande’s “Next to Me.” While standing next to each other, obviously. Let’s take a moment to appreciate the fact that mother and daughter were wearing essentially the exact same outfit.
NEXT: Finn and Puck seriously make me doubt my college experience