Glee recap: The Talented Mr. Kringle

Kurt, Rachel and Santana find themselves enamored by a sexy Santa; the New Directions get competitive about tree-decorating and Bible reenactments
Ep. 08 | Aired Dec 5, 2013

HAVE YOURSELF A MEH LITTLE CHRISTMAS Our favorite trio of thespian New Yorkers land a holiday job playing elves at the mall. It's only slightly more embarrassing than, say, starting a band named Pamela Lansbury.

Adam Rose/FOX

It's 2012 and Mr. Schuester is telling the Gleeks about the McKinley High tree decorating contest (that's cute), of which this year's theme is "Green is Good." Sam and Tina take control, as Tina is desperate to win a toy angel and Sam is…well, Sam, whose motivation need not be explained. Meanwhile, the McKinley High Non-Denominational Christmas Club is putting on a “living” nativity scene after the real one is defaced. Jake is chosen to play Joseph because he’s a darkly tanned Jew, and Unique wants to be the Virgin Mary, but Kitty says no, arguing “You’re black and you’d crush the donkey.” Ryder (rocking a pre-storyline 2012 haircut) contributes something to the conversation, I think, and Beiste announces she’ll have to hold auditions for the coveted roles.

Marley approaches Kitty with the idea of auditioning in unison since every girl wants to play the Virgin Mary. Now, where I’m from, when you’re all vying for the same role, there’s no such thing as a joint audition. (Consider: If I want to be Seymour and you want to be Seymour, I will cut you.) Kitty, being normal, rejects the idea of uniting for an audition, but she’s still kind of nice about it because back in December 2012, she’s still slightly less of a bitch than she is in 2012.

Meanwhile, Sam and Tina are planning their tree entry when they encounter Becky in the hall, and it’s perhaps suggested that one of the reasons the episode was scrapped last year was because Becky’s dialogue is just a total joke. Of course, anyone who has seen this season knows that Becky has sadly become more of a joke in the writers’ room than any other character. It’s cruel to imagine that some idiotic soul decided it was appropriate to give poor Becky this monologue: “Hold it right there, sluts! This is mistletoe. I’m super horny, so you better give me some tongue. I mean it, bitch! I want to lick those Asian tonsils. And then once you’ve got me all warmed up, I’m gonna make you French me because it’s Christmas and I’m loose. I have special needs, and one of my special needs is mouth sex with your face.” Ugh.

In the choir room, the New Directions sing “Rockin’ Around the Christmas Tree” as we get a montage of all the various student groups decorating their trees (C+, because nothing happened). Sue comes to judge the tree, armed with various reasons why the glee club’s tree should fail, but Sam and Tina counter all of her traps in a surprising bout of preparedness. (Perhaps they could exert this kind of forward thinking for planning Nationals instead of, say, the week before, as they are wont to do?)

NEXT: Night of the living nativity

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