Supposedly, everyone in high school called Puck “The Saw,” because he was always sawing through life: “Dude got in my way, sawed him; set my sights on a chick, sawed her.” It mostly ends up sounding like he’s saying “I saw’d Timmy steal a cookie” like a tense-confused toddler, but the point is, he’s over his sawing ways. He’s got a purpose now, and that purpose is -- oh, sh-t, there’s Quinn. She’s the new purpose, there was never any other purpose, what was I saying? Saw, saw, saw, QUINN.
Quinn saunters over in Michelle Obama’s dress with Laura Bush’s feathered bangs, and you know something’s up. Gone is the girl who last quoted Gloria Steinem and got wed-sexual with Santana. She’s come to Lima with her new
bicycle boyfriend, Nate Archibald Biff McIntosh, who is – you guessed it – a tool bag. And if you guessed that he was played by Chace Crawford, then you are more astute than me, because I spent half the scene trying to figure out who the actor who looked so much like Chace Crawford was, only to discover that it was Chace Crawford (Chace Crawford has officially stopped sounding like a real name). A country club haircut really changes that guy.
Reminder: In addition to one McKinley class producing a Broadway star, a Broadway understudy and a recording artist, Brittany S. Pierce is also a mega-genius. But don’t worry, she still wears two-tone denim vests. Brittany is really feeling the pressure from her MIT colleagues to keep enhancing her beautiful mind, so Santana calls upon a stress-relieving Unholy Trinity performance of “Toxic,” originally performed by a riot-inducing, fedora-wearing William Schuester. I am less nostalgic for the days of Will performing sexual songs with his Glee Club, but man, do Quinn, Santana and Brittany take me back in their Cheerios uniforms. They look like adults playing dress up now! I think that technically has its own term, but I’ll refrain from using it, because this performance was scandalous enough on its own. I mean, damn, y’all; the bustiers, the hips, the “Cell Block Tango” – Zach Woodlee is really enjoying the post-“high school” choreography opportunities. A
But stupid Preppy McDimplebutt (props, April) could care less about Quinn’s attempts to woo him out of Lame McDoucheville. Biff invites a few of the other former Glee members over at Breadsticks to tell him about Quinn in high school. Oh boy, do you have a few hours and, like, a spare flow chart to keep up with plot twists? Luckily they mostly focus on one of my very favorite Glee tidbits: long live the Ryan Seacrest tattoo! Three layers of roommate-applied makeup and a lot of truth withholding have been helping Quinn present herself to McDimplebutt “in a particular way.”
A quick visit to Fondue for Two reveals that Mercedes and Rachel (along with Kurt, who is really taking a backseat this week… and last week... and kind of the week before) are both planning on revisiting “Defying Gravity.” So, how about just call it a Diva-Off and have the rest of Glee “finally answer the age-old question: Who is the true star of the Glee Club? [Rachel] or Mercedes.” You will get no complaints from me on this trio doing "Defying Gravity," except regarding Kurt’s Charlie Brown button-up. I will complain about that until the day I die. They kill it, because of course they do. I’m casting my vote silently with my left foot for anonymity, but I'll simply say, I would never want to go against Mercedes or Rachel with something to prove. (Actually, I do have one complaint: Where was the shot of Blaine frothing at the mouth to throw his hat in the ring?) A-
Brittany is out on the quad playing human chess, still having a hard time coping with all the genius pressure. Santana, ever Brittany’s champion, thinks about getting her back to dancing and -- YES! I don’t know why, but “Valerie” was one of the top songs I was so hoping they would revive this episode. I have such a vivid memory of being so surprised by how Santana owned the stage in her first big feature solo. Then Mike jumps into his old choreography, and my nostalgia sets into full gear. My only regret is that even when Brittany finally strips off her fur sweater (yes, fur sweater) to dance, she doesn’t ever pair up with Mike. But the foursome is a fun, jaunty time once little Jake jumps in, and Brittany and Santana dancing is a sweet variation to the original. A-
NEXT: Nobody brings the angst like Avril...