Hannah and Shosh have a heart-to-switchboard chat about whether Jessa's life is all that difficult -- her cousin sees charisma, beauty, and $$$$$$$$, so what's the problem, while Hannah knows there's a "deep well of sadness inside her," which she remembers from one time in college when an ill Jessa begged not to be left alone even though Hannah had finals. It's the closest we've seen Hannah to truly caring about someone all night. Of course, Shoshanna malfunctions and brushes it off; Hannah was probably the one crying. Shosh is excited Jessa's coming home, because it means she'll be in all her college graduation pictures. Nope.
Wait, Hannah applies to grad school every year? Are we really to believe the voice of her generation never gets accepted? I do not.
Detour: Adam feels like hiking, so they're hiking! "You want something to write about, well, here it is. The glory of God is all around us, Hannah. Trees. Frogs. Birdy birds." YES. Go on a hike, Hannah. Do anything. Motion is power.
But Hannah can't. She hates this, and she doesn't have a stick. So she lies down in the dirt so that ticks can crawl right into the white triangular sliver of her plain white undies and give her some decent material for an essay. I'm not judging her partial nudity here; it merely exists and is begging to be commented on. (Don't you dare ask Lena Dunham about it, though. That's sexist.)
Adam. Truth talk: "I don't catalog my mind. It's unhealthy."
I'm so not kidding about the Adam toy/doll/figure that can motivate people regularly consumed by negative thinking throughout their lives. I am telling you I need one.
Shosh doesn't mean to insult Adam in the woods when she questions what Hannah would have done "during this period of mental unrest if her boyfriend had been like an actual human being, like, living in society. What if you had a job or responsibilities or like, places to be during the day or, like, a best friend?"
"Well, she is my best friend," he replies, as Shosh crumbles under the cuteness of it all. Can she, like, get a clip of that for her rom-com DVD collection? It is cute. There are all sorts of human beings in these woods, on this Earth, and sometimes computers cannot recognize that.
When the trio finally arrives at Sheltering Winds, they learn Jessa didn't need a human sign-out at all. The staff offered to drive her to the airport and everything. Hannah settles into a dull rage but ends up very simply begging Jessa to just come the hell home and be a better friend. All of her transgressions were in the past, Jessa protests, and "none of it was on purpose. And… your hair looks fantastic."
"I am done with all that," Jessa promises. "Okay," says Hannah. "Cause I hate it. I hate it." It's a nice, real moment, but you can also sense they both know Jessa is lying. And that, my friends, is what friendship is all about.
BACKSEAT CUDDLES. That ugly-friend rocking chair never had a chance.
Happy with the two-part premiere, Girls fans?