Girls season premiere recap: It Goes Both Ways

Hannah, Adam, and Shoshanna drive upstate to remove Jessa from rehab. But if there's nothing interesting enough to put in Hannah's eBook, did it really happen?
Ep. 01 | Aired Jan 12, 2014

IT'S TOUGH Hannah questions her haircut every morning.

Jessica Miglio/HBO

Back in the city, Hannah attends a frozen-hot-chocolate meeting with her editor and her "hipster glasses" barrette is pretty much all I can think about, even though he's saying depressing things like "Why didn't you tell me you were suffering from mental illness? That's something we can work with!" He loves her eBook, in which she writes about "jerking a kidney stone out of some Puerto Rican Jew's dick." Wow, that is impressive. Haven't you ever done something so wild and kitschy? Was the guy just Puerto Rican or just a Jew? Ha, that's nothing. Acquire some more interesting life fodder if you ever want to make it in eBooks, amateurs.

"It's amazing for me to realize that my only limitation is my own mind. Like, I hold the keys to the prison that is my mind!" Hannah raves as her therapist wonders how to get more details about Adam's non-lucrative papier maché business. Adam can only contribute a small portion to the rent, Hannah explains. "He's not, like, a traditional person, so he can't just be slotted into any job." Agggggh. NOT A TRADITIONAL PERSON. Everyone on this show is a child.

That's just how life is, though. People are childish. Girls is so real.

Over in rehab, Laura (black character alert) (played by Danielle Brooks a.k.a. Taystee from Orange Is The New Black) is getting some free therapy from Jessa, ruler of lesser ugly people, who feels that Laura is using being molested as an excuse. "We can't go around blaming other people for our sh*t behaviour," Jessa coos. She calls Laura out as a lesbian, too. One reason she knows this to be true? "Well….your vest…."

"F*ck you, Hairstyle!" Laura screams as she stomps out. I absolutely love her word choices throughout the episode. "Yodels" as a greeting is another great one. And the fact that she fears if she comes out, she'll be expected to play sports. "I'm like… What?" is so perfectly delivered.

Laura can't stay mad at such a provocative beauty for long, though. Having tossed her "FEMALES ONLY" placard to the side, Jessa gifts one of her ugly friends with her first lesbian experience. Having Jemima Kirke go down on you sure beats hanging up a cat-lender, right? Meow.

Adam is growling like an animal, shirtless, across the coffee table from menu-planning Hannah. She's having Shoshanna and Marnie over, and Adam is NOT interested in hanging out. Why does he have to be a part of it? "Because you're my partner, in life and love, and I want you to be part of everything I do on this earth," Hannah reasons. Yikes, that's a tall order. He doesn't make her hang out with his friends! "You don't have any friends," she points out. In theory, doesn't Adam have friends, though? I remember all sorts of colorful dance buddies of his at the warehouse party last season. Are they warehouse-specific? Are they "traditional people" or termites who only come alive on the dance floor? Weird.

Adam doesn't hate her friends -- he's just not interested in anything they have to say. "I'm not interested in anything they have to say! That's not the point of friendship!" Hannah tosses off nonchalantly. But that IS the point of friendship. Girl, honestly, just dump your friends already. Make it easy on everyone; none of them seem to be into it either.

"Well, I'm not gonna change into a different person just because you want me to," says Adam. "You have to," says Hannah. "It's called being in a relationship." They're both so right and so wrong that my head is spinning. How can non-traditional people be expected to do traditional people things like compromise?

NEXT: How much would you pay for an Adam's Truth Talks toy?

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