Game of Thrones recap: Hand of the Kingslayer

A shocking twist changes one character forever in "Walk of Punishment"
Ep. 03 | Aired Apr 14, 2013

BOUND FOR TROUBLE Jaime Lannister (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau) is disarmed and vulnerable.

HBO

Craster's Keep: This guy again. Notice how grey and smoky and miserable his place looks. Craster gives shelter to the Lord Commander and the surviving Night's Watch members. He's a lousy host and the Night's Watch are lousy guests. Everybody is miserable with this situation.

They hear screams and Craster says the screamer "can bite down on a rag or she can bite down on my fist -- women!" Then, as if we don't dislike Craster enough already, he suggests if the Lord Commander's men are hungry they should eat Samwell, declaring, "He's a walking feast!" Samwell looks scared, as if this possibility might have previously occurred to him.

Samwell goes wandering around outside, like, Hey, I wonder who's all screaming in agony anyway? He finds his secret crush Gily all sweaty and birth-y and howling. He just kind of gawks at her, looking vaguely horrified. This is probably not the nicest way for a virgin like Sam to be introduced to a vagina. She has her baby and cries, "What is it?! What is it?!" -- because, you'll recall, Craster sacrifices boy-babies to the White Walkers while the girls enjoy a empowering life as one of his rape slaves. It's the circle of life, Craster style.

Castle: The Boy releases tortured Theon as he promised. He gives him a horse and tells him to ride East, that his sister is waiting for him. Theon has never been so relieved. He promises the Boy a lordship in the Iron Islands (gee thanks, Theon, that's like getting a timeshare in El Paso). Also, Theon didn't even bother to get the Boy's name. Oh Theon, all that torture still hasn't made you a nice person.

Dragonstone: Melisandre is leaving. I'm okay with that. Her hair is pulled up and she looks much less witchy that way. She's going on a mysterious mission. Stannis whines, "I want Joffrey dead ... I want Robb Stark dead..." To accomplish this, he wants to make another demon baby. And why wouldn't he? No feeding it, no changing it, no raising it -- that smoky-ink thing just kills your enemies and vanishes. Who doesn't want a demon baby? But Melisandre says the effort would kill him. She says she will find somebody else with royal blood to accomplish this task. Stannis doesn't like this. He's probably thinking: So you're going to have sex with some other guy then?

Astapor: Back to Dany. Seems this city Astapor is so proud of its slave city status it has created a scenic attraction called The Walk of Punishment. This is where disobedient slaves are crucified for public display. And just look at that ocean view! Honey, go stand there next to the bloody slave with the dislocated shoulders, I want to get a photo. Dany, naturally, is horrified. This outdoor mall is soulless, depressing and blind to its own fundamental evil; just like the Universal CityWalk.

She tries to give one of the dying men water. He looks at her like: I don't want this to last longer you idiot!

NEXT: Dragon auction!

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