Back to the table: Littlefinger is going to The Vale to woo Catelyn's neurotic sister Lysa (I wonder if Lord Robin is still breastfeeding? I bet he is!). With their marriage, Tywin hopes to erode support for Robb Stark on yet another front. Littlfefinger has no qualms about marrying nutty Lysa since he'll get what he's always wanted -- true lordship status. Tywin gives Tyrion Littlefinger's thankless accounting job, loftily titled Master of Coin. Cersei is delighted.
Road: The men from House Bolton who captured Jaime and Brienne are cheerfully singing the tavern hit "The Bear and Maiden Fair." We will hear this song a second time in this episode but under very different circumstances. Last week the nice folks who captured Arya were singing the Lannister anthem "The Rains of Castamere," which just goes to show that you can't judge people by their choice of music.
Jaime and Brienne are bound on the back of a horse with a weave of ropes that would make Christian Grey proud. Jaime is upset about getting beaten by Brienne. In fact, the fight outcome seems to bother him more than getting double-captured. He's making excuses (probably valid ones) for his lousy performance. This is so very Jaime -- he wouldn't have minded murdering Brienne, but can't stand the thought of her thinking he's a wuss. Brienne is insulting him right back when Jaime suddenly snaps their bantering groove by saying she's going to get raped tonight by their captors. At first we think he's trying to hurt her. But he advises her not to resist and we're unsure -- Is he trying to help? "Close your eyes pretend they're Renly," he snarks.
Tavern: Arya is reassured she's a "guest," not a prisoner, by Thoros. She spies The Hound being transported and boldly steps in front of him. One thing about Arya is she expects everybody to treat her as an equal despite her size. She demands to know if The Hound remembers the last time he was here. Her reason isn't made clear, but I think it's the same village where The Hound killed the butcher's boy who befriended Arya during the first season.
Meanwhile, Hot Pie landed a new baking job, and made Arya some direwolf-shaped bread. He's going to stay here. Arya and Gendry say a friendly goodbye, but Hot Pie apparently hasn't earned a hug. Bye-bye Hot Pie, congratulations for getting out of this story alive, un-raped and with all your limbs!
The Fist: Mance and the Wildlings find where Jon Snow's men were killed and possessed by the White Walkers. The deadites are now, I dunno, wandering around the prison or Woodbury. Horse parts are strewn about in an example of White Walker impressionism. Mance growls "always the artists."
Mance gives an important order: With the Night's Watchmen patrol dead or on the run, he orders Giantsbane to take a small team -- including Jon Snow -- and climb over The Wall (!). Then they are to attack Castle Black because, as Mance points out, it's only designed to withstand an assault from one side. Luckily, the team can just stop off at an REI and get some climbing gear and ... what? No REI? Curious to watch these guys try to climb a 700-foot ice wall.
NEXT: The return of Craster the Molester