BATH OF THE TITANS: Jon Snow (Kit Harington) and Ygritte (Rose Leslie) search the chilly wasteland for a place to properly hookup.
"I've sinned, I've wronged you, I've shamed you," he says, dumping his guilt on her. But she's actually cool with it. Seems she's fallen under Melisandre's spell too and is convinced their affair was what the Lord of Light wanted. Oh, that Red Woman is good! Stannis is stunned, and perhaps a tad bummed that he probably missed an opportunity for a three-way.
Then we see -- ugh! -- jars full of her stillborn babies. Rick Santorum has nothing on these two.
Stannis then goes down the hall to visit his daughter, who seems like she hasn't seen him for a long time either. This is confusing -- is Stannis keeping his wife and daughter locked up? But no, given the scene later with his daughter and Davos, they're apparently free to roam around.
Anyway his daughter is all sweet and her face is scarred from having a disease called greyscale when she was an infant. (Greyscale is nasty; it's contracted in damp climates and is sort of a cross between flesh-eating bacteria and leprosy). She wants to know about Davos, who is apparently really nice to her and made her a secret toy. Stannis brutally tells her that Davos is a traitor and is rotting away in the dungeon. Very nicely handled, Stannis. Surprised he didn't add, "And there's no Santa Claus, we all die someday and happy birthday."
Harrenhal: Jaime crashes Brienne's bath and his fans get some Kingslayer butt. Jaime starts reflexively insulting Brienne, like usual. When he makes one of his typical insults about her failing to protect Renly she overcomes her shyness and stands up, furious, exposing herself.
For perhaps the first time in his life, Jaime apologizes. It takes a moment for Brienne to realize he's serious. "I trust you," he says. "I'm sick of fighting."
Jaime then launches into the story of why he killed the Mad King Aerys (I have this disconnect with Thrones where I have to remind myself that Aerys was Daenerys' father -- the two worlds just seem so far removed from each other). The Mad King was obsessed with Wildfire and had caches of it hidden around King's Landing. When Jaime's father Tywin showed up at the gates with his army swearing his allegiance ahead of rebel Robert Baratheon's army, the Mad King ignored Jaime's advice to surrender and instead took Pycelle's counsel to let Twyin in the gates. Tywin sacked the city. Aerys told Jaime to ride out and kill his father and told his pyromancer to light the Wildfire -- which would have destroyed King's Landing and everybody in it. Jaime make the ridiculously correct decision to kill the king. Instead of explaining this to somebody like Ned Stark, he kept his reasoning to himself -- he's a proud Lannister lion, after all. "By what right does the wolf judge the lion?" he seethes.
Brienne watches this, riveted (as are we), and when he faints, Jaime tells her to call him by his true name.
Near Slaver's Bay: We get a beat with Dany marching through the desert with her new soldiers.
Barristan and Jorah bond over war stories and bicker about the future. Barristan suggests Jorah will be a drag on the Dany ticket once they reach Westeros. That's pretty rude and seems unlikely. She's not running for office, she's going to storm the country with thousands of Unsullied, three dragons and a rightful claim to the Iron Throne -- who cares if one member of her cabinet doesn't have a great reputation?
Meanwhile we finally see one of The Unsullied sans helmet. This one's name is Grey Worm and we learn they were all given derogatory names. Dany wants them to choose names that empower them, but Grey Worm has decided his name is lucky because it's the one he had the day Dany freed him.
King's Landing: Sansa is watching Loras fight and getting all bothered. "Do you have any idea of when we might..." she begins to Margaery, a sentence that could end so many ways. Margaery continues the potential for innuendo by assuring she'll "plant the seed" of Sansa marrying Loras after her own wedding to Joffrey.
NEXT: Weddings are coming