Dungeon: Tyrion in captivity. It's a bit lighter and roomier than the cell used for Ned Stark. Let's get comfortable because we're spending a lot of time here this season. Poderick sneaks Tyrion some duck sausage and gives him an update, none of it good: Trial in a fortnight, Oberyn on the jury, Sansa vanished, they'll let him call his own witnesses, but he can't see Bronn. Ironically, the only person Tyrion is completely certain is innocent of Joffrey's death -- his sister Cersei -- is the one person who is the most certain he is guilty.
Any lingering hope for a fair trial goes out the window when Pod reveals somebody attempted to bribe him into testifying against him. Now THAT sounds like Cersei. Tyrion urges Pod to flee the capital and we hope he actually does it.
South of The Wall: Aw, a sweet village of nice simple country folk -- for Ygritte to murder! The Wildlings savage a village and kill just about everybody, with Ygritte coldly taking part in the bloodshed (you know nothing about Ygritte's morality!). All these people wanted was to make some potatoes for dinner and now they're dead.
Styr lets one young boy run to Castle Black to tell them what happened. Naturally, the Night's Watch want to help the villages, but Ser Alliser Thorne says the Wildlings are trying to draw them out from the castle into the open where they'll be easier to fight. Their mission is to stay and guard The Wall against the larger Wildling threat -- Mance's forces coming from the North. For once, Jon Snow and Thorne actually agree on something. But when news comes from Craster's where last season's mutineers are still shacked up, Jon realizes that if Mance gets his hands on the murderous ex-Nights Watchmen that stayed behind, he'll learn how weak their defenses are. So somebody has to go back up North amid the Wildlings, mutineers and White Walkers to sort that out. Who do you think will volunteer?
Mereen: Dany arrives at Mereen for a sequence that's just pure epic TV fun. The city is formidably protected by giant walls and warriors with full bladders. The slavers sent out a champion who taunts them, claiming Dany's mother was a hamster and her father smelt of elderberries, or something like that.
All of Dany's closest advisers are itching to kill him, but they're too important to risk. So Daario Sexbeard swaggers up to Dany and says, hey baby, let me kill this man for you. Dany is like, okay tee-hee. Then Dany stands entirely too close to him while the taunting challenger rides his horse straight at Daario while he just stands there. Daario takes out a dagger and gives a little kiss, which seems like a bit much, and throws it at the last moment, toppling the horseman -- I'm Daario, I didn't even break a sweat killing that guy in front of all these people watching.
Wondering: Where are her dragons, anyway? Are they useful yet?
Dany addresses the city with her multi-slave-ic language skills. She tries to plant the seeds of an uprising, saying "your enemy is beside you," winning hearts and minds. She says that the former slaves she "freed" are now standing behind her, which isn't the best sales pitch given that they're wearing armor and marching in the hot sun having to fight people.
Then she catapults mysterious wooden crates over the city walls. The crates burst open and reveal to be full of-- what? S&M collars! Dany, those were the wrong crates! Ohhh, they're the collars from the slaves who crucified along the road to Mereen. I watch thinking: What if one of those flying crates fell on a bunch of slaves?
The final shot: A slave picks up a collar and looks at it carefully while a master looks at him warily. Awkward.
Great episode. Now: Interviews! We have a brief chat with the elusive Adian Gillian about the return of Littlefinger. And for those who missed them over the past few days, see our Q&As with Natalie Dormer (Margaery Tyrell) and Alfie Allen (Theon "Reek" Greyjoy).