Game of Thrones recap: Slaves to Love

In "Breaker of Chains," Tyrion frets in jail as love distracts heroes and villains alike
Ep. 03 | Aired Apr 20, 2014

DUNGEON MASTER: Tyrion (Peter Dinklage) awaits trial

After the king's death last week, Westeros is full of passion. There's Littlefinger perving on underage Sansa, Jaime forcing himself upon his sister, Prince Oberyn primed to screw everybody in King's Landing, Sam obsessing about guarding Gilly's ladyparts, lovelorn Ygritte slaughtering villagers and Daario making out with his dagger. But we start exactly where we left off:

King's Landing: Joffrey, dead. Really dead. Even deader than when we last saw him. Cersei is literally spitting mad, calling for Tyrion's arrest and -- heeeey, where is Sansa? The Stark daughter made her first smart proactive move in the whole series and got the hell out of there along with Dontos the drunkard. He ushers her to a rowboat, and then out to a mysterious ghost ship captained by...

Littlefinger!

The ambitious scheming small councilman/brothel owner must have known about the attack on Joffrey. Perhaps he's even the mastermind? He's been pervving on Sansa since the tournament at the beginning of season 1, just like he loved her mother Catelyn. He reassures Sansa she's perfectly safe now. Littlefinger is the only person who's somehow more creepy when he's being reassuring.

Dontos wants his payment and out come Littlefinger's men with crossbows. We have a PTSD Red Wedding flashback as Dontos is shot dead and Sansa freaks out. Littlefinger explains Dontos was just following his orders and didn't really care about Sansa, which is so much easier to claim now that he's dead. "Money buys a man's silence for a time, a bolt in the heart buys it forever," Littlefinger says (and a bolt in the face buys it perhaps even longer). Littlefinger also shows that heirloom necklace she wore at the wedding for Dontos (one that was the subject of considerable online speculation last week) was of his own flimsy-seeming design.

So now after being captive for basically the entire show by the Joffrey and the Lannisters, Sansa finally escapes for about 15 seconds ... and manages to get captured again by somebody else! Somewhere, Arya is face-palming.

Back at King's Landing, Margaery Tyrell is in shock at the apparent deadly power of her black widow kiss. First Renly, now Joffrey. Even if nobody believes she actually had anything to do with either death, for prospective suitors it's gotta be like if you were buying a house and you discover two different families had been killed inside it -- of course you don't believe in curses, but why chance it?

Olenna gets off a couple good lines of reassurance: "The world is overflowing with horrible things but they're all a tray of cakes next to death" and "you may not have enjoyed watching him die but you enjoyed it more than you would have enjoyed being married to him." Olenna is all about keeping things in perspective, though Theon might debate her "nothing is worse than death" line.

In Great Sept of Baelor, King Joffrey is laid to rest with stones over his eyes. He's still dead. He's initially framed with flames behind his head which I hope is the director's way of suggesting he's roasting in hell.

NEXT: #rapecest

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