He's knocked unconscious by his devious first mate. Even this, Theon's attempt at reclaiming some of his honor, turns out like a joke. They put a hood over his head and declare they're going home. But will they take Theon with them, or turn him over to Stark's bannermen?
Luwin rushes over and demands to know what they're doing. The first mate shoves a spear in his belly (I gasped). Poor Luwin. Bet he would have never in a million years imagined that he'd die defending Theon Greyjoy.
King's Landing: Tyrion tells Varys about the knight who tried to kill him. He's assuming the knight was acting under Cersei's orders. This is a little surprising since Tyrion normally doesn't trust anybody and he's taking a risk letting Varys know about this. He wants guards around his room.
And Tyrion is in for some more bad news. Bronn no longer commands the City Watch. His horde of tribesmen have been paid off and sent home. So much of what he built has been dismantled while he lay injured in bed.
Shae reveals the new Tyrion. He's got a nasty cut across his face. In the book, part of Tyrion's nose was cut off, but that would likely require CGI in every scene next season, so it's no wonder the producers opted for this less intrusive option. In some ways, a prosthetic scar might help the handsome Peter Dinklage look a bit more like the trollish Tyrion of the novels.
"I'm a monster as well as a dwarf, you should charge me double," he says.
Shae offers to run away with him. This is unexpected, because, like Tyrion, we've sorta assume she was in this for the wealth and power. But he wants to stay and she pledges to remain with him. Okay, so Tyrion starting to sob? Got to you, didn't it?
Stark Camp: Robb marries Talisa by a godswood tree, defying his mom and Lord Frey. Nobody else was invited. The ceremony involves speaking words in unison and they sound like a bad 1970s Brit rock song. Still as weddings go, brief and simple. Way better than, say, a Catholic one. Maybe all weddings in Game of Thrones will be this easy?
House of the Undying: Dany is determined to go get her dragons. No guards. And, it seems, no door. You know when a house doesn't even have a door it's going to present you with some challenges. She vanishes into the building. Inside, Dany hears her babies crying...
NEXT: Jaqen returns; Bran gets a wheelbarrow