Image credit: HBO
Margaery steps forward and declares her love for Joffrey and recounts tales of his "wisdom and courage," causing viewers to sputter.
Sansa is watching all this like: Whaaaa?
Realize this entire exchange is pure theater for the crowd. Joffrey, Cersei, Pycelle and the Tyrells are putting on this show. They need a way of gracefully getting Joffrey out of his impending marriage to Sansa without the king looking like the opportunist that he is. And what better reason than Love, True Love?
"I am free to heed my heart," Joffrey declares, as if he has one.
Sansa keeps a straight face, then can't resist bursting into a hilarious grin as soon as her back is turned. Free at last! Right...?
Littlefinger, as usual, is quick to make a woman unhappy. "Joffrey isn't the sort of boy who gives away his toys," he warns her. Joffrey still might beat Sansa and have sex with her...and perhaps beat her while having sex with her. Littlefinger says he'll help get Sansa home. Nobody mentions The Hound, but we assume he escaped.
Brothel: Ros! She's back after a long absence. Varys visits in his Jedi Knight robes. She tries to grab his junk and finds him junkless. He wants to offer her a job, noting that Littlefinger merely regards her as a "collection of profitable holes," a phrase that might be the most degrading euphemism for a prostitute ever. Guess we'll have to wait until next season to find out what this job entails. Varys also hinted to Tyrion that he wouldn't be seeing him for awhile. Hmm...
Riverside: There's a lot to like about this next scene. We have Jaime tormenting Brienne again when they're accosted by a trio of Stark troops. They think she's ridiculous — a woman knight? Jaime tries a lowborn accent to try and fool them into believing he's a common thief, but his story doesn't smell right. One of the troops recognizes Jaimie and is actually pretty clever, demanding Jaimie and Brienne both answer at the same time what Jaimie's name is. Brienne takes all three of them out and even Jaime is impressed.
Stark Camp: Robb is in love even, though he's promised to marry the Frey's daughter. "Your father didn't love me when we married," his mom says, which is so not reassuring.
"We built it slowly over the years... It's not as exciting as secret passion in the woods," she says, "but it is stronger."
Yeah, there's a guy named Jon Snow who might disagree with her on that point.
"The only parent I have left has no right to call anyone reckless," Robb says. Oh, burn.
NEXT: Stannis chokes the witch. Horny enemies annoy Theon