'Desperate Housewives' recap: Jailhouse Block

Is it possible that Desperate Housewives has turned into the Most Predictable Show on Television? After last night, that designation certainly isn’t a gross exaggeration. All of the storylines -- save from maybe Gaby’s -- packed no twist that you couldn’t see coming a mile away. Lynette and Tom got in a huge fight and sweetly made up; Paul planned to move ex-convicts onto Wisteria Lane; Keith wanted to propose to Bree, but his recently separated father got in the way and fell for her instead; and Renee revealed to Susan that she loves Tom and they had a weekend love affair years ago. What, exactly, is surprising about any of this?

Truly, none of it -- most of it seems like what you’d expect. It’s sort of disheartening to watch a series where everything is so spoon-fed to you. Do the producers assume we viewers are all simpletons who couldn’t handle a bit more nuance to the show? A good twist here and there? Something we haven’t seen before? Well, I suppose there was one shocking thing about the aforementioned storylines -- apparently, Tom Scavo is packing some heat, if you know what I mean! Or as Lynette put it: “I’m a very lucky woman.” Or, alternately, as Susan put it: “How come you never told us you were sleeping with Tommy Tripod?”

I have to admit that I didn’t see that one coming! I’ve always found Doug Savant super attractive (ever since he played Matt on Melrose Place!), and this only makes him more enticing. But, alas, the fight the big revelation produced between Tom and Lynette -- he claimed she emasculates him, while she says she doesn’t deserve him -- is one that feels sadly similar to so many of their boring domestic disputes over the past six seasons. At least Lynette’s rant -- where she revealed the Good News about Tom to the neighborhood -- was hilarious: “Tom’s packing!” she screamed. “We’re talking big -- circus big! So big that he can drive in the carpool lane when he’s alone! If it falls in the forest, believe me: It makes a sound. The Washington Monument looks at it and says, ‘I want to be you when I grow up!’”

And why, exactly, did Lynette have the opportunity to address the whole neighborhood together? Because the Homeowners’ Association gathered to try to fend off their new mutual enemy, Paul, who announced plans to turn one of the many homes he recently purchased on Wisteria Lane into a halfway house for released convicts. Shocking? Not really, considering even I -- the worst person at predicting storylines ever -- saw this coming several weeks ago.

NEXT: Paul continues his plan of neighborhood destruction; Cynthia Watros brings the funny; and Renee reveals what's supposed to be a "secret."

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