'Desperate Housewives' recap: Twist and Shout

Victor, however, didn’t get the same opportunity. He confronted Carlos, surprising him by lurking in the shadows with a tight grin and a drawn gun. The lesson here is that no matter how eeevilll the villain, eeevilll could always benefit from a little target practice: Victor aimed and fired, missing Carlos not once but twice. The two tumbled out onto the street, where for once, the neighbors were too preoccupied by the impending natural disaster to gawk at a public brawl. There was a struggle. A gun. A twister. A flying cow. Wait, wrong show. Sorry. It ended with Victor, who once dreamed of white picket fences with the missus, getting a white picket through the chest.

Victor's not the only one who discovered that love hurts. The Chicago secret is out. As in, ripped right out the door, up into the sky, and hopefully out of the series forever. I cheered when Katherine spit in Sylvia's face, and cheered louder when Sylvia emerged from the bathroom, inching closer to the front door of certain death. ''You swept me off my feet, Adam!'' she screamed before the twister pulled her away. Well, actually, she didn't, but it would have made for some hilariously stupid irony. Her character was reminiscent of Tom Scavo's old love, but somehow, if possible, Sylvia was even more irritating. ''He has a snake tattoo on his right shoulder — I licked it,'' she baby-talked to an uncomfortable Bree, reminiscing about her affair with Adam. She won't be missed, but her big reveal will undoubtedly cause some unpleasantness in the Mayfairs' already strained marriage. Luckily, Katherine and Bree seem to have forged a friendship, and Bree certainly knows a thing or two about deranged relationships with cheating men. But Bree has Orson now, ever the proper gentleman, who was the one who told them, ''There's a funnel cloud out there!''

Yes, a ''funnel cloud'' was out there, but also Ida's missing cat, thanks to Lynette. She invited herself and her family to stay in Mrs. McCluskey's basement for the storm, then set the little fur ball free when Tom's asthma started acting up. ''That stupid cat is the only family that Ida's got,'' yelled McCluskey, running out into the ominously dark streets, an act that was somewhat touching, maybe even heroic, but mostly insane. Lynette chased after her kooky neighbor, hunting for Toby, until they were forced to take shelter in Lynette's bathtub. Mary Alice's disturbing voice-over rang in my ears. ''One of these women would lose a husband, and all of them would lose a friend.'' I waited patiently for Mrs. McCluskey to die.

But she didn't. Just when I thought Desperate Housewives was so darn predictable. And I was slowly deleting my heartfelt eulogy, when I saw it.

Mrs. McCluskey's house.

Destroyed. Ravaged. Kaput.

With the Scavo clan buried beneath.

They didn't just...they couldn't possibly have...did they really kill off Lynette's entire family? Or, perhaps more important, is it normal to be this concerned about the well-being of fictional characters? And if any of you can predict the future more accurately than I, then, good God, when will the writers strike be over?

Well, folks, there goes the neighborhood. And it was supposed to be ''such a beautiful day.''

What do you think? Is Tom the dead husband? Or it is Carlos? Or is it maybe just Victor? (Cheat!) And is the dead friend Tom, Carlos, or someone else?

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