'Desperate Housewives' recap: Present Danger

I know that plenty of people would argue that hitting disobedient kids teaches them that violence is acceptable. But Kayla doesn't fall under the category of disobedient kid; she's something far, far worse. Lynette might have snapped, but Kayla deserved to be smacked. In my opinion, Tom deserved a good shot in the kisser as well for siding with his abominable daughter. The Lynette vs. Kayla story line is reminiscent of Andrew vs. Bree back in the day, but those two were able to work things out. It will be awfully hard to provide some attachment parenting if Lynette's in jail. Maybe that's what Kayla wanted to get Nora for Mother's Day: Lynette incarcerated.

Edie and Bree could have used some foam bats last night. Instead, the ''puritanical robot bitch'' decided to sabotage Edie's real estate deals, which reminded me that Edie does in fact have a job besides jogging around the block in tight spandex on the prowl for potential husbands. Edie, who has a knack for stumbling upon evidence (see: offshore-bank-account papers), found Orson's little memoir, The Lies of a Desperate Grandmother. Bree and Edie were both acting like immature nitwits. Let's do a Mary Alice play-by-play, shall we? Bree accused Edie of seducing Orson, when she was the one who asked Edie to get him off her property. Edie responded by seducing Orson, even though she clearly thinks he's gay. Bree retaliated by ruining Edie's job prospects. Edie responded by trying to blackmail Bree into being nice to her. The whole gang convened and sentenced Edie to be ostracized from the popular group. The lesson? Anger can turn anyone back into an immature sixth grader.

Edie and the other women of Wisteria Lane have never been friends. In fact, they've all pretty much ignored Edie, give or take a few snide remarks about Edie being a sexual predator and a slut. The battle lines were drawn long ago, so why the women decided to go all middle school on Edie now is beyond me, and perhaps beyond overdue. When the mandates of their new relationship were laid out — no poker, no talking, no waving — I had to wonder, since when do they invite Edie to poker in the first place? When do they talk to her? It's more likely they give her the finger, rather than a polite wave, when she runs by. Perhaps saddest of all, Edie thought her only way into the housewife clique was to effectively force Bree to love her though banana-nut blackmail.

Edie took off in her convertible, but I doubt she'll be gone long. Though, if I saw Bree, Susan, Lynette, and Gaby strutting down the street, targeting me, I'd probably be gone for good. Had those four been around, they might have ended the ''War of Northern Aggression'' with a good old fashioned stare-down/silent treatment.

Edie might not be the only one skipping town. Dylan finally saw Wayne's true colors, black and blue, and will likely be uninviting him to senior recital and canceling their creepy dinner dates. And, in yet another twist to the Mayfair mystery, Dylan isn't related to Wayne, and may or may not be related to Katherine, whose admitted promiscuity makes the identify of Dylan's real father even more ambiguous. Did you get all that? Because I didn't. Hopefully we'll get some answers next week. If not answers, at least some Nathan Fillion.

What do you think? Did Kayla deserve to get slapped? Should Edie have been ostracized? What's your theory on the Mayfair mystery? I'm spoiler free, and we're in the homestretch, so if you've got inside information, keep it to yourself. Or I'll smack ya.

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