Drew Carey and Witney Carson: 33/40 Here's another Switch-Up success story that at first seemed like a disaster: Witness Drew and Witney's "grandpa-granddaughter" dynamic! Ewwwww.com. But hey, it worked out in a huge way for him. I'm no Julianne Hough -- now officially the hoochie version of Claire Underwood of Dancing With the Stars with that short haircut and "statement cleavage" against a sharp business dress -- so I'm not sure Drew was technically any better in this cha cha cha than he's been in previous routines. But his demeanor within the dance had a sense of joy and freedom we've never seen from him. When he did the Lisa Rinna Signature Disco Point to Heaven (™), I really believed it. He looked confident! This was an awesome performance for both Witney and the cross "between Elvis Presley and Liberace." (Of course that's Bruno's idea of "making it work"!)
Charlie White and Peta Murgatroyd: 33/40 Who? What? I refuse to believe that was our floppy-haired Charlie trapped inside a no-zone of severe hair shellac. I'll take Tom's word for it, though, I guess. (This was my "Doubting Thomas" moment of the episode.) Len claimed their billowing purple rumba -- staged within a cloudy intimate circle because Charlie is in the advanced class of this season's sparkle-aliens -- wasn't a rumba at all, but was more like a contemporary piece. Again, I wondered if he was just coming up with imaginary stuff to tell the flawless ice dancers. But Len fumed that "there were no hips!" in Charlie's performance, and he is the one judge we tend to believe, so I suppose it's good that Charlie now has something to work on.
Nene Leakes and Derek Hough: 32/40 Nene's worst nightmare and most passionate dream (I feel like she has the same reaction to all polar opposite occurrences in life, which is to scream wildly) came true: She got paired up with that munchkin Derek in the Switch-Up. What followed -- after a liiiiiiiiive musical mishap wherein the vocalists came in "really, really early so everything was off" -- was a bizarre and heated jazz routine in which the two blonde siblings (LOL) reenacted the African Anteater Ritual from Can't Buy Me Love alongside a raging fire -- plus, Nene's hair was also a fire.
Altogether it was the weirdest Survivor Tribal Council I've ever seen. Eights it is!
NEXT: 'This week you just had to phone it in.' -the missing part of Julianne's dress