Jack Osbourne and Cheryl Burke: 25/30 + 1 = 26 total Looking back, I'm realizing how dumb and unfair the Switch Up Dance Challenge was, but I do want to give Jack props because his commitment to a dramatic kneel/splits thing -- in the face of a brutal tempo change -- made me chortle for at least two seconds, plus a few rewinds. Well done, sir. I also admire Jack's quest to perfect the character of the Latin dances… by channeling the greatest Latin Lover of all the Latin Lovers available in the studio at the time, Will You Be My Valentin Chmerkovskiy! Their "angry Robert De Niro"-esque facial expression tutorial was possibly the best moment of the episode. Cheryl had to physically yank him away!
Even the best creepy tilted camera angles and elaborate "icing rosettes" costuming couldn't quite spice up Jack's performance of the paso doble, but it's very clear how hard he's trying, and I'm loving the sense of humor he's applying to the show like a sparkly salve. Bruno noted that Jack was so caught up in channeling the paso's pride and dignity that he ended up chasing the music. Luckily Bruno was not so caught up in his own rhetoric that he missed catching up to the driving point of his critique: "CROTCH FORWARD," he reminded Jack, while thrusting. Two tutorials in one night! What a lucky guy.
Bill Engvall and Emma Slater: 23/30 + 1 = 24 total Dancing the tango to Jimmy Buffett's "Cheeseburger in Paradise" was "difficult…because the music doesn't speak tango," Emma carefully pointed out. THEN WHY EVEN DO IT? The producers are obviously appealing to Bill's core fan base of Hawaiian shirt enthusiasts with this song, which is honestly pretty cute and, you know, why not. But at some point if you try and look at this dance objectively, you simply cannot get beyond how utterly stupid it was! Why not wait until it's Bill's mambo week for "Paradise"? Or oh God, the rumba -- make it a real love story between man and meat. Some of the song/dance pairings were just disastrous this week.
Emma's gleefully bouncing butt -- is she kidding with that thing? it might be my new favorite butt of the series -- made up for all of the tango's utter stupidity. (You didn't think I could stay mad at DWTS for more than three seconds, right?) Hmmm… there may be something to this "ordering salads at restaurants" thing after all.
Oh, and EW.com commenter fridgedancer is right: This dance could have been wildly improved by a cameo from cabana boy Val.
I shall leave you with Emma's reaction to Bruno complaining that "the speed of the track" may have messed with Bill's timing in the tango.
Your thoughts on Week 6? Who's compelling you to vote (for real, this time)? Discuss!