Brant Daugherty and Peta Murgatroyd: 28/30 + 3 = 31 total When I go back and think about this dance visually, the obscene laser light show stands out (and threatens again to induce a seizure). But the tango itself was rather by-the-book and fluff-free. I always like the tiny flourishes Peta's slowwwww lean-backs offer a tango, and she and Brant executed a side-by-side "power chomp" while in hold that was nearly symmetrical, their teeth and face-flapping not so aggressive that I wanted to cringe. What I'm saying is I liked it!
Carrie Ann was on the right track, calling Brant "a perfect Ken doll, with a little stumble." The same description but with "stubble" instead would actually make a great toy, for… weird, grown women like me, I guess. No. I should delete that. I don't even really want it. I've been trying to de-clutter. (For about 11 years.)
Len REALLY liked this tango and gave Brant a 10. "I can't help me-self!" he sputtered in defense. What a nut. Also crazy is Brant, for assuming Christina Milian had a "huge fan base" and that he's "not nearly as famous as she is." I would say those two are either exactly the same amount of famous (let's call it "not famous") or that he's slightly better known than her right now because he's still on Dancing With the Stars. Sad but true. Or it might depend on whether people currently watch Pretty Little Liars or used to watch The Voice. And even if they recognized Christina from The Voice, like… who was she? A contestant? Aguilera's stand-in? The Brooke Burke-esque social media consultant? (Ding ding ding, that's the "winner.")
Snooki and Sasha Farber: 27/30 + 3 = 30 total Snooki's happy to still be around, but there are some days she'd rather just stay in bed and order a cheeseburger, fries, and ice cream. Wow, that sounds like me. Maybe she should try recapping the show. You get the complete Dancing With the Stars experience, but none of the weight loss! It's a real treat. Snooki and Sasha's foxtrot seemed competent enough. I didn't quite get Fred Astaire and Ginger Rogers, like Sasha wanted, but I did think Sasha was giving off some major Tristan vibes in that yellow cardigan and tan pants. So… Tristan MacManus and a brunette Anna Nicole Smith. Good enough for me.
"You really truly have improved the most out of anybody. You turned into, like, a ballerina on the dance floor. I'm very, very impressed." I was sure Snooki was heading home after what sounded like a pleasant farewell speech from Carrie Ann. But then she pointed out a "little claw" on Snooki's shoulder (?) and said "Next week, I want the claw not to be there." Foreshadowing claw retracted! Come on, though. Next week is Halloween. I for one would like to see blatant claw.
NEXT: J. Lo and Casper the Friendly Goober stop by Leah's rehearsal