Dancing With the Stars season finale recap: No Pain, No Confetti Rain

Amber, Corbin, and Jack dance one last time and Snooki compliments Brooke's boobs in the liiiiiiive season 17 finale
Ep. 12 | Aired Nov 26, 2013

ABC

Neither Snooki nor Brooke can hear a damn thing out on the red carpet force field of screaming youth, which gives Snooki a prime opportunity to gush to Brooke, "I love you, I miss your boobs, I miss your body" -- and she takes it! Hey-o!

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"We miss you too," says Brooke, speaking for the three of 'em. (Runner-up Snooki line of the night was when she fondly recalled her foxtrot: "I'm not an elegant person, but to look like a virgin again was awesome.")

A note from my mom last night let me know that when Gleb popped up in Snooki's explosive jazz number, my dad went, "Is that Zev?" ZEV!

It was not Zev. Good try, Dad! Your sparkle heart was in the right place.

I think the guy singer from Lady Antebellum and I have the exact same plum-colored jeans. It's such an honor. And it's another Tristan Thanksgiving miracle as he, Val, and Gleb/Zev (it's growing on me) join Tyne, Witney, and Lindsay to give the band a "dance assist." (As if any random musical act is just beggin' for a little salsa to spice up their song. The idea of a dance assist will never cease to delight me.) Val goes with a slightly deeper V on his black button-down than the other men. I appreciate it.

Time for the fusion round, finally! Corbin and Karina apparently misstep in their cha cha/foxtrot -- I didn't notice at all; I thought it was great, but I'm a dummy. Karina's rocking the "belted, fringed mirrorball" look and is ready to sink her manicure into THE COVETED globe, and she just looks so crestfallen, I want Tom to slip her the trophy for a few seconds and maybe shoot, like, two confetti guns above her head. Corbin doesn't look sad at all; he's just concentrating on repeating how much he's all about his partner tonight instead of himself. I'm still shocked they didn't pull out all 10s here. It's a 9-9-9 kinda night for Corbin.

NEXT: Amber dances last for the last time


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