Dancing With the Stars recap: Len Needs a Cookie

The head judge throws a fit on Dance Trio night; Gleb's ponytail and Tristan's guyliner wage a fierce-off
Ep. 14 | Aired May 6, 2013

SALSA FRESCA Who KNOWS where this show would be without underwear models? Bruno, you take that back!


OH MY GOD. ANOTHER MIRROR. No, it was the same mirror for Kellie and Derek's paso doble trio with Tristan's Guyliner -- and this dance picked up right where round 1 had left off! I see what Derek did there. Wish fulfillment at its finest! Kellie shed the same white dress she'd been waltzing in for a fierce black sheath that better fit the mood of Tristan's World of Darkness. "Come into me world!" chirped the Prince of Gloom and Glam.

This was amazing! The mirror shattered! The CGI floor crumbled! Bruno could feel the blood pumping into him! Ewwww, Bruno. To me the music was the driving force, and Kellie was more than game to let herself be viciously flung around as if driven by the thumping beats. The whole smoky, red atmosphere and mood of the dance was just incredible. But Len freaked out!

After Carrie Ann and Bruno both traveled downstairs to throw themselves at the dancers, Len surprised everyone. "I was expecting more than flashing lights and crashing music!" he said twice, calling the trio "a hodgepodge of moves just out there to titillate the taste buds." (So?) "Where were the twists and turns?" Oh, Len, who cares? I was watching Tristan VERY closely and he twisted CONSTANTLY. "You know I'm right!" Len scolded Derek, then transferred his anger to Bruno.

"YOU! You! You can't talk unless you stand up!" Len correctly remarked of his fellow judge before suggesting it might be because Bruno had…a stick up his ass? I think? It sounded like he said "Stand up, your ass," but that wouldn't make any sense, and if anyone is afflicted with this particular ailment it's Len himself. Yikes!

"I don't know you anymore," gaped Tom. Speaking of Tom, happy birthday, Tom! How 'bout a hug?

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Can I get in there?

NEXT: I've had it with Jacoby's mom!

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