Dancing With the Stars season premiere recap: Will You Accept This Pose?

The contemporary routine is here to stay. What are all these bare feet doing in the ballroom?
Ep. 01 | Aired Mar 18, 2013

THE POWER OF ROUGH LOVE Bachelor star Sean Lowe contemplates virginity as he dips partner Peta Murgatroyd.

ABC

Lisa Vanderpump and Gleb Savchenko: 18/30 Nope. Sorry. That dog has GOT to go. I don't care if Real Lapdog of Beverly Hills Giggy is a main character on other shows. He has no place in the ballroom -- plus, as Tom mentioned, the dog was clearly hammered. And look what has become of Troupe member Sasha! Once a dancer, now a pup butler.

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Anyway, their foxtrot was pretty bad, full of wonky arms and "staggering about" (said Len), and if Lisa couldn't get comfortable "connecting private parts" with new pro Gleb in a mere ballroom standard, imagine how she'll recoil from his junk in the samba or rumba!

I feel like Gleb might need a different stage name. Hot Face? Eh.

Esteemed Colleague Email Interlude:

jensen_andy_dick

Andy Dick and Sharna Burgess: 17/30 And now, the softer side of Andy Dick. (Though I'm not sure too many people remember his other, quasi-gem-like facets.) The actor brought up his addiction troubles, apologized to everyone he's hurt, and called Dancing With the Stars "the biggest opportunity I've ever had -- and it's undeserved." This was both strangely sweet and mildly depressing. But the depressing part melted away during their foxtrot -- turns out Andy Dick really is taking this seriously and has…wait for it…a decent sense of rhythm! That's right -- I can't see him looking anything but awkward in the Latin dances let alone a contemporary piece, but the foxtrot really suited his strengths: keeping a beat and charming the crowd. "I liked the slightly deranged side of it. It's comedic!" cried Bruno. "Like watching the ugly ducking come to life," agreed Carrie Ann. "This had the fluidity of RoboCop!" charged Len. Buzzkill.

Andy chastised Brooke for asking about the pressure of this show for a recovering addict, and I gotta say I'm on Space Queen's side here. Not only was his package all about his sobriety, but someone in her ear made her say it. Brooke cannot be held accountable for such things! But she can be praised for this: After Andy mentioned his next dance "could be smoother," BBC chimed in: "You can always be something more on this show."

BROOKE! OMG. You can always be something more on this show. I'M MELTING. I'm a pile of glitter.

I'm loving new pro Sharna, by the way. So sweetly reassuring to Andy -- and seems funny, too.

D.L. Hughley and Cheryl Burke: 12/30 The judges gave the actor/comedian's cha cha cha all 4s -- a shockingly low score and a clear knock for D.L.'s not having rehearsed enough. Neither he nor Cheryl looked that into it (Cheryl's new bangs expressed ennui the hardest), so I'm pretty sure it's fine with everyone involved if this is the first pair to go.

Finally, a text from my mother:

"WHAT?? THAT'S what the new show Splash is about?"

Yep. See you next week!

EW's first official hidden gems collection won't be 'til next Tuesday, just ahead of the first results show of the season. Isn't it funny the way I so capriciously throw around the term "official"?

XOXO,
Fringe Fairy

Annie Barrett's 'DWTS' Facebook page

Read more:
'DWTS': Sizing up the season 16 cast!
Shirtless wonder and former 'Bachelor' Sean Lowe to join 'DWTS'

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