Superbowl? Try SuperBALL! NFL star Donald Driver and his partner, practically nude rubber band Peta Murgatroyd, are Dancing With the Stars' season 14 champions! The rootin' tootin' fig newton (according to Len Goodman) (?!) peaked at the last minute in Monday's finals and somehow pulled off a win.
Neither of them could believe the announcement, and Quickie had to stop, drop, and roll away to collect himself. I loved seeing Peta and Donald's wife Betina, spokeswoman for sparkly cheeseheads and now officially the Michelle Obama of the ballroom, embrace in a perfectly timed hug-shimmy while screaming together in delight. Just get that overwhelmed baby girl out of the frame and we've got ourselves a ballroom moment!
I think it's safe to say that the mascot of season 14 -- and possibly 2012 overall -- is a wedge of cheese wearing a cowboy hat. Sorry, Wenlock and Mandeville. You should have played chicken with the train!
Donald and Peta got a lil' coveted MBT foreshadowing action during the season's final Lencore.
The end to season 14 was deliciously satisfying -- not only because my favorite "mirrorballs on giant golf tees" were back in action for the FINALE (or "NALE" as we consistently saw in the chopped-off version) -- but because the final two couples really, really wanted to win. The tension that had mounted in Tom's final pregnant pause was almost too much to handle, which was so thrilling to me. These people have worked long and hard -- they should be swept up in the mythology of the miracle ball. It's no joke! I mean, of course it's a joke -- the long-running, overarching joke of the series -- but you know what I mean. The more desperate the contestants are to win, the more rewarding this twice-yearly fever dream is for us.
The best part? Donald Driver is a total Dancing With the Stars superfan. He's one of us! Donald's win was like an injection of liquid sparkle into my bloodstream -- hopefully enough to last through the summer. Hmm. I didn't mean to make this about drugs but there you go. This guy is never going to leave the ballroom and I love it.
NEXT: Gladys Knight makes everyone cry