'Dancing With the Stars' recap: 'Someone Left a Sequin on the Floor'

I'm obsessed with this throwaway line by Carson Kressley. "Someone left a sequin on the floor" is not only a great excuse for why he bungled a Dancing With the Stars move during rehearsal -- it's a perfect understatement for the entire series. Let's all start using it whenever we mess up…at anything.

I can't decide which was my favorite moment from last night's telecast -- Tom's "Liiiiiiiiiiive!" abruptly booming out right after Chaz Bono promised "I am literally going to blow out my knees," or the utterly insane shot of Tom surrounded by teens while introducing Rob Kardashian. Not buyin' it! Were they told they were contest winners and would get to see Demi Lovato? Oh, god -- were there even more of them who tragically got sucked into Brooke Burke Charvet's soggy beehive bun moments before airtime?

Will the judges please reveal their scores? Carrie Ann Inahhhh-ber!

Ricki Lake and Derek Hough: 23/30 Well now! This was a sexier jive than we're used to. When Ricki lured Derek back up to sea level by his belt -- having just been thrust upwards by his crotch from the pair's joint backbend -- I was sure this must have been a misplaced Latin-y sex number. Nope, just your run-of-the-mill pink-fringed jive in heat. Derek must have really been savin' himself up all last season for a full release upon week 2 of his return. At this rate, we may see another one of his signature Derek Hough Crotch-Bobs (™) even sooner than this season's dance marathon. Why wait? Carrie Ann declared this the "best jive of the night," prompting Len to slump in his chair and wait patiently for death. What a grump!

NEXT: The Lift Police hands out her first citation