Oh. Wow. That went well! Sean Lowe and Peta Murgatroyd bit the glitter-infused dust on Planet Mirrorballus tonight, leaving five couples to dance in next week's semifinals.
Sean was clearly the least skilled dancer left in the bunch, but I still thought his Bachelor popularity might have nudged him a bit further. But it all worked out for the best; Sean seemed expectant and more than ready to go. "He is just the most humble, wonderful guy I could have asked for," said Peta of the man who brutally left her at the altar during last night's tango. "Hot and Cold" forever.
Jacoby Jones and Karina Smirnoff were "not necessarily in the bottom two" with Sean and Peta, while Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough were also "in jeopardy." So pretty much that means nothing. Logic would suggest Ingo Rademacher and Kym Johnson -- shockingly the first couple announced as safe tonight! -- were most likely in the real bottom two. We'll never know!
Hey, which dances did the viewers tweet for the couples?
Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough: Flamenco
Ingo Rademacher and Kym Johnson: Charleston
Zendaya and Val Chmerkovskiy: Hip Hop
Aly Raisman and Mark Ballas: Afro Jazz
Jacoby Jones and Karina Smirnoff: Lindy Hop
So look for all these raging new styles next week. Mark is really psyched to figure out and/or decide what Afro Jazz means.
Whoa. Best Macy's Stars of Dance ever? (For some reason all the ones I've probably named as my favorites in the past are blending together into a dark figure, holding an umbrella on a tilt, with glow-in-the-dark rainbow splatter paint behind it. Boom! Macy's! Or maybe that dark figure is Evil Tristan from Monday. Who cares?) Derek Hough and Jaimie Goodwin -- whom you may remember from So You Think You Can Dance season 3 -- created this freaky and amazing dance in a ROTATING CUBE which made it look like they were creeping all over the ceilings and walls. Honestly, I refused to believe it hadn't been previously taped in like 80 different segments…until the cameras zoomed out. How? Good Lord Mirrorballus in disco heaven, how? The guy is a genius.
I was a big fan of Emeli Sandé, the perfect-voiced Scottish singer who got a dance assist from Dmitry and Cheryl during her performance of "Next to Me." Her debut album Our Version of Events just broke the Beatles' record for most consecutive weeks on the British Top 10! Ringo is not impressed! But I am, so it's time for a Spotify adventure. In contrast....
I'm sorry but why do these guest musicians like Jason Derulo and Selena Gomez, who are really only in the ballroom to throw Young Adult dance parties, even bother PRETENDING to sing? It's almost insulting. Just lose the prop microphones, kids! Too much messin' about! I give Jason way, way less than a 7 ("seh-vehhhhhn!").
NEXT: The Top 7 moments of the results show