Situation, The and Karina Smirnoff: 18/30 The Situation was trying. He put a lot more effort into quickstep training than I thought he would, even though the Brian Setzer Orchestra does not fall within his recognized dance-music spectrum between "club, pop, hip-hop" and "smushing." (Jersey Shore reference; I sincerely apologize.) It'd be hilarious if this guy really did succumb to a complete ballroom brainwashing for however long he is around. The Situation will look like Mary Poppins while performing a ballroom standard and The Situation will realize this is a point of pride. I didn't know there was a connection between shoe size and being pigeon-toed. Even if there is, why ask about the actual size? Was Carrie Ann expecting a clever sex joke in response? Was the insinuation that he had large feet an attempt to make up for calling him pigeon-toed? I may need to sit down again and do yoga with my apartment's version of Tom Bergeron (a benign, fiercely loved stuffed snowman).
Michael Bolton and Chelsie Hightower: 12/30 "I've got only one way to go," Michael said during rehearsal footage. "Up." WRONG. Michael remains light as a feather, stiff as a board, minus the part about the feather. At the beginning of what Bruno called the worst jive in 11 seasons (whoa, that was way harsh, Tai) a friendly old dog named Bolt crawled out of an actual doghouse to yawn and stretch and face the day. Except this wasn't a Disney movie about a dog, and the dog was MICHAEL BOLTON on Dancing With the Stars! How could Chelsie, or whatever trippin' producer came up with this gimmick, possibly think this was a good idea? The only lower DWTS score was when Master P got two 2s in season 2, and he didn't even bother to wear the right shoes. A couple of notes here: 1) I'm just gonna go on believing that the sparkly design on his shirt was perhaps an homage to the soaring eagle in his exquisite video for "Said I Loved You But I Lied." And 2) Michael -- if you already have an infected throat, why would you put that filthy plastic doggie bone prop anywhere near your mouth? Give the bone back, Bolt. Good Bolt. "Woof."
Would you rescue Michael Bolton from a doghouse? Do you want to see a Tom Bergeron-Florence Henderson reality show? Why is there booing? Discuss the week 2 performances in the comments, and nominate your Hidden Gems of the Week before 3 p.m. ET over at PopWatch!
Annie on Twitter: @EWAnnieBarrett