Rick Fox and Cheryl Burke: 21/30 Rick spent the first part of their jive lookin' for some tush. Silly NBA star, why don't you look under her skirt? It will obviously say "TUSH" in sparkly black letters! I was so distracted by Rick's ridiculously hot leather costume that I couldn't really tell his foot was hurting. He has a tricky tendon, you know. You absolutely know because we were treated to a very unsettling close-up of his scars! Take it from Larry Bird: "Kid, pros play hurt." Wow, I had no idea Larry Bird was angling to become one of Our Pros. Note: Rick got the first and I believe only DNCMSTR "Seh-vehhhn!" of the night.
Kurt Warner and Anna Tre-BUN-skaya: 21/30 Kurt is getting a sweet edit -- his family-man, fish-out-of-water-but-totally-into-it story arc will be wildly appealing to viewers. The anecdote about throwing dance terms around at the kitchen table was a genius touch. I'm really enjoying this partnership. Anna is always a dream, Kurt's hands are the size of frying pans, and both sported lightly sequined shirt pockets! What could go wrong? Nothing, yet. My favorite part of their army jive was when Anna kicked so high I thought she might knock her own eye out with her heel. That's Our Pro. Carrie Ann said Kurt reminded her of "everyone's favorite uncle at a wedding who has had too much to drink," which is kind of an oxymoron. "A little bit hurtful, wasn't it, that comment?" said some old guy from England. Bring on the 7s, DNCMSTR.
Florence Henderson and Corky Ballas: 19/30 Florence wants to be thought of as the 76-year-old contender, not the 76-year-old who can actually walk. And if you don't like that, she will wail like George of the Jungle, flip you the bird, and then lift one leg even higher than said bird. Suddenly, you see. Florence's crush, DNCMSTR, assured her she'll be around next week based on this week's quickstep. Soon after that, they had to rush upstairs so Brooke could tell Florence that "Everyone is impressed with your beautiful age." I'm still trying to figure out what was going on with Corky's extended-remix handkerchief move. Way to leave your beautifully aged map of the world, map of the world hanging, Corky. (Oh my god, his name is Corky. Sometimes I can't believe it! The shock of it all seriously delights me to no end. Keep in mind that it's after 2 a.m. as I write this!)
Margaret Cho and Louis Van Amstel: 18/30 Their jive was underscored with three 6s. She has a natural flow about her and much better legs than I'd thought. I'm not ashamed to say that I was more mesmerized by the pair's perfectly flattering, complementary pink, white, and black costumes than the dance itself. I did like when she looked at him expectantly toward the beginning of the jive, as if waiting for him to giggle with her about how what a gas this all was, but he was all 100 Percent Pure Van Intensité as usual. Bruno was able to hone in on the heart of the matter: "You gotta keep it tight in your buttocks. Engage us here." And she can, because she's decided she can truly dance. "I'm actually a dancer," Margaret insisted during rehearsal footage. What?! On just Week 2? Love it. As Bruno says, "Ease into it, my darling."
NEXT: Big feet keep on turnin'...Proud Carrie keep on flirtin'...