'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Mambo No. 9

Louie Vito and Chelsie Hightower: 21/30 + 3/10 = 24/40 I enjoyed how Chelsie attempted to appropriate one of Louie's high-tech aerials for the ballroom (Snowboarders: They're Just Like Us!), but the pair's tricks-heavy jitterbug — filled with back flips, assisted cartwheels, barrel turns, and geek glasses — left Chelsie on her butt as Louie leapt atop the dreaded judges' table for a dramatic shedding of his pesky shirtsleeves. Poor Chelsie; at least her amazing green dress offered a convenient corset to hold everything in place. Louie had slipped on the technicolor staircase at the top of the show (they cut away as it was happening — hidden gem-worthy?), so I guess they're even? Nah, not really.

Melissa Joan Hart and Mark Ballas: 20/30 + 4/10 = 24/40 Much of Melissa's waltz seemed more like posturing than dancing to me; she often gets these looks of genuine surprise, like ''Oh, we'll be dancing together? We've only just met.'' Or something less...British-sounding than that. It probably didn't help that I hated Melissa's unflattering lilac gown and their waltz's screeching accompaniment. Melissa probably didn't make Shirley Ballas proud (which is not to say she didn't try; it's just that Shirley Ballas seems terrifying), except in one area: She kept her ''puppies up,'' meaning boobs. That's the same thing Anna Tre-BUN-skaya told Melissa during their one-on-one training session last week. Isn't there a Dancing With the Stars-sanctioned bra for that yet? Or at least an app?

Michael Irvin and Anna Demidova: 20/30 + 2/10 = 22/40 The waltz seems like the most difficult dance to screw up, but I didn't really notice where Michael Irvin went wrong here. He looked great in the vest and ice-blue satin shirt, smiled big, and was delighted to execute all of his arm extensions. What's not to love? The boring choreography, I guess. Carrie Ann and Bruno each doled out a 6, while DANCMSTR called this waltz ''gentle'' and ''charming'' and complimented his footwork. Irvin may be in last place, but he did provide one of the top moments of the episode as he and Anna rehearsed for the competition mambo by knocking out foam pads that represented different dancers, including a hilarious stand-in for Louie Vito that was like a meter high. That's right, I just used the metric system. DANCMSTR and Annie, sittin' in a pen, C-H-I-L-L-I-N.

Can the Michael Irvin Radio Show solicit enough votes to save him from tonight's double elimination? Which two dancers will go home? Will Luke and Laura remarry? Let loose in the comments, and don't forget to nominate your hidden gems of the week!

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