'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Team Building

Lance Bass and Lacey: 45/60 (25/30) There's no way all of us will agree on whether Lance and Lacey should have danced their rumba barefoot (I say: Sure, why not?) or incorporated a park bench into the choreography (I say: See those stage stairs? Same thing, less pretentious). This week, Lacey must really be missing Mia Michaels and the So You Think You Can Dance lifestyle...maybe Lacey's wandering barefoot around that show's dilapidated set right now, launching into full-body thrashes whenever an overhead vent comes back on and wailing ever so softly, like a child zombie cast in a Mia Michaels dance. I don't know. What we can probably agree on, however, is that whatever that ''fight'' was between Lacey and Lance, it was edited so far into oblivion that we have no idea who was crazypants and who was blameless at that moment. I haven't noticed Lance's overwhelming negativity, so Lacey basically looked nuts. I'm not happy with that edit. Show two sides of the conversation or don't show it at all. As for Lance and Lacey's rumba, I thought it worked and so did Bruno and Carrie Ann, whereas DANCMSTR implored them to ''cut it out'' and put some damn shoes on. Note to Samantha: Never say ''fundies'' again.

Susan Lucci and Tony: 44/60 (24/30) Tony's dynamic choreography for the paso doble made a somewhat convincing case for Susan Lucci's ability to sort of dance, but it was ripped to orange, fringe-y shreds after that group cha-cha-cha that Susan apparently ''captained.'' The main difference between the theater geeks (Susan, Cody, and Lance) and the popular kids (Brooke, Warren, Maurice) was...well, basically, Susan. She just didn't have the time to put into rehearsing the team dance, and even if she had, she doesn't perform anything with even the tiny amount of conviction required to turn on an oven. I couldn't believe the judges handed her straight 8s for that paso — every time she threw another wooden arm up into the air, it was like she was demonstrating what not to do in the ballroom to a studio full of wiseass ballroom kids. Or maybe I'm being too harsh here. I was rendered inconsolable moments before their dance, when Tony (and later Carrie Ann — hey, they have something in common) implored Susan to insist aloud, ''I AM DOING GOOD.'' Honey. You're doing well. Except...you're not.

Cody Linley and Lady Leg Warmers: 42/60 (22/30) Tom Bergeron, who had a particularly ''on'' episode last night, nailed just what we were all thinking about Cody: ''Only when you're 18 could you say of a six-week relationship, 'We've been together forever.''' Awww, Cody already missed his partner-in-youth, Julianne, who agreed to be filmed doing something I could never have imagined her doing: lying at rest. But Edyta was able to prep Cody for the Viennese waltz — or at the very least, she was able to distract from his occasional clumsiness with her half dress emblazoned with giant flowers. (It's not often we see prints on DWTS. I believe I suffered a briefly irregular heartbeat that one time Karina was swathed in paisley about five weeks ago.) Bruno compared Cody to a little bird unable to fly, but I think Cody's hesitance has more to do with his giant crush on Edyta and how he's concentrating hard in order to do well by her, one dance at a time (if necessary). But without a bigger fan base than Susan's, Cody might not get that chance. Hell, I might even vote for Cody this week to keep Edyta in. I love her (leg warmers) that much.

What did you think of Monday's performance show? Were the two dance teams unfairly stacked? Should Lance and Lacey have worn shoes? And could Cody go home this week instead of Susan?

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