'Dancing With the Stars' recap: A Long Time Coming

'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Subbing with flair

Cloris Leachman, the better half of the partnership we've lovingly dubbed Clorky, still won't leave the ballroom. She got eliminated! She's just not leaving. Next week, she'll enlist the costume department to make a ''pretty costume" for her (quick, Cloris — trade lives with me!) so she can wander onto the floor from a perch in the audience. Tom's response to her request was perfect: ''Oh, we would love to have you...over there.'' Almost as perfect, that is, as Samantha's awkward squatting position as she attempted to question the floor-bound Cloris while wearing a DO NOT BEND dress.

Later that night, on Jimmy Kimmel Live, Cloris engaged in a second interview from the floor, but it took about 30 steps — including full-body contortions, excessive roaming, and the ungraceful manipulation of chair cushions, all at the absolute slowest pace imaginable — before she even made it down there. It might not sound like it, but I'm telling you, it was hilarious. And get this: When Kimmel asked, ''What about Corky? Will you ever talk to him again?'' Cloris instantly replied, ''Never. I never liked him.'' Honey, neither did we.

Lord (of the Dance) knows there's practically nothing of substance to discuss from the DWTS results show, so I'll elaborate on Cloris' late-night appearance in a filler segment called ''Three Reasons I Suddenly Love Cloris Leachman, Just in Time for Her Elimination.''

1. The first complete sentence she uttered (after minutes of wandering): ''I used to be younger than everybody, and now I'm older than everybody.'' I like that she just said exactly what occurred to her while gazing out at a youthful audience. I guess I've heard the sentiment before, but it just seemed a little sweeter, sadder, and truer coming from her.

2. When asked if she was proud to have inspired older viewers to get out there and dance, Cloris let out a huge guffaw and said, ''No. They're just sitting there and they see me and they're like, [indecipherable grunt]." It's true — does anyone really believe that many viewers watch the show and get inspired to sign up for ballroom lessons? In my experience, they just get inspired to reach for more chips.

3. Cloris corrected Kimmel's grammar! When he complained about not remembering what any of his questions ''are,'' she shot back, ''You have to say 'what any of them is.''' Hahahahahaha. Love. It.

NEXT: Feets of fire

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