'Dancing With the Stars' recap: Better Living Through Choreography

''Dancing With the Stars'' recap: Second chances

You guys! Did you know the best thing about Dancing With the Stars is that it makes the world a better place? The Gute said so! I totally should have included that in today's gallery, 15 Reasons I'm a 'Dancing' Fool. Avid readers may recognize parts of said list from ye olde 2007 — like all delicious things, it's been Supersized for the better. Tonight, in a much-touted double-elimination week 2, one man and one woman will be eliminated. With 12 performances packed into two hours, there was barely any room for useless filler. I'll take the same approach to this column. Here we go:

Kristi Yamaguchi and Mark: 27 out of 30 points last night; with last week's score, 54 total Aw, the producers tricked us! Judging by a few seconds of rehearsal footage emphasized by Kristi's high-pitched squeal, I expected the champion figure skater to be super embarrassed and timid about having to ''shake and bake'' her booty for the mambo. As if! Their dance, which costarred Mark's eyeliner and a very Maks-esque open vest, wowed the judges with its precision. With her, shall we say, complicated costuming, poor Kristi looked like she didn't know which breed of Girl she was supposed to be — Harajuku or Cheetah? (Neither: Yamaguchi! That hot mess would have dazzled on the ice.) After only two performances, Kristi and Mark have set the standard for season 6. Will the pair ever see a 7 or 8 paddle? I hope so, just because every contestant should get to hear the lovely low-to-high, singsong quality of DANCMSTR's ''Se-ven!'' firsthand, at least once, just for fun.

Mario and Karina: 26/30; 50 total Do we see a trend here? The most ridiculously outfitted couples on week 2 are the top scorers of the first two weeks combined. For the quickstep, Mario classed things up with a sleeveless tuxedo jacket featuring tails and a tie-shirt combo (seemingly sanctioned by Project Runway season 4's Carmen) fashioned from a scrap of Karina's ''dress.'' This brilliant sartorial spectacle aside, it was Mario's footwork and charisma that caused Bruno to tell him, ''I think you'll be a winner in the competition.'' A winner, as in one of many? Silly Bruno — there's only one giant glitter ball. DANCMSTR wants Mario to keep his left elbow up and work on finesse. Carrie Ann basically thinks Mario is hot. She must have been pretending to be Karina during the pair's gratuitous training-by-the-shore segment, which closed with a beautiful shot against the setting sun of Mario groping Karina's ass. (He had to. Piggyback rules.)

Jason Taylor and Edyta: 27/30; 49 total Last night's mambo, bragged Edyta, was ''the craziest routine that I've ever given anyone.'' Her protégé, whose sparkly, studded belt brought new levels of machoism to the ballroom, seemed to have no trouble with the choreography. DANCMSTR wasted no time telling Jason, ''You're a winner.'' I liked the stop-and-go nature of the dance; it went very well with the traditional mambo music and showed off the couple's hard bodies and core strength. (Did I really just write that? It's true.) It's possible they were overscored; I'm not sure Jason's part of the dance was as complicated as Edyta made it sound, and I found myself falling back into my old habit of just watching her during partner dances. But with moves like Edyta's insane floor twirl (not a lift!), which transitioned into a final stand-and-hug pose, how could you not?

NEXT: Quickstepping up

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