"It sounds like a pretty angry hush!" On Tuesday's season 13, week 5 results show of Dancing With the Stars, Carson Kressley and Anna Trebunskaya -- the cheerleaders who'd behaved badly -- were expelled from DANCMSTR's School of Sequins. "I'm still afraid of playing dodgeball, but now I can dance!" announced the former high school dweeb, who can't really dance that well but it honestly never mattered. As Carson said, "I'd rather have a great time and mess up a bit than be perfect and boring." I just hope season 13 doesn't become perfectly boring without him.
Hope Solo and Maksim Chmerkovskiy joined Carson and Anna "in jeopardy," and I wish for everyone's sake that they'd gone home this week. She really isn't enjoying this experience -- which is fine, understandable even -- but when you've got one contestant holding a water bottle over her mouth backstage as she says "I don't think I can do this anymore" and another who wants nothing more than to keep doing this and even promises to be in the audience each week cheering for his fellow cast members…well, no need to make someone suffer, you know?
Kelly Clarkson and her new sleek 'do with bangs (or maybe I just haven't been looking at pics of Kelly Clarkson) were a marvel. She is so good liiiiiiiiiiiive! They really brought the big (and tall) guns out for "Mr. Know It All" with an exhibition dance by Kym and Tristan that suggested the alternate lyric, "You don't know a thing about me except that which is revealed under the white Snuffleupagus fringe covering very little of my body."
Kelly confirmed what I've always suspected the musical performers think of Our Pros (in a great way, of course): "They're hot. It's distracting." I loved how Tom urged Kelly on the spot to do Dancing With the Stars in the future. YES! Oh, she'd win so easily. It wouldn't be fair. But no, no, Kelly claims she'd embarrass herself. "Your show would turn into a comedy." Isn't it already?
"Walk Away" from Kelly was my favorite vocal performance of the night, but my favorite dance was probably Karina and Louis Van Intensité in a rather acrobatic routine with The Band Perry. That blonde lead singer, by the way, looks like a cross between Busy Philipps and Chelsie Hightower. I had plenty of time to zero in on this important diagnosis during the Pro-less parts of the number. Louis and Karina were seemingly in their own alternate-universe competition to see which couple could best meld themselves to each other's bodies using creative posing and the power of elbows and knees (instead of their actual hands). I think they've won!
NEXT: Annie's Top Seh-vehhhhhhhn! Moments of the Results Show