Rainbow Brite wannabe Kenny Mayne and eyeshadow enthusiast Jerry Rice returned with Poppin' Pastels Len Goodman for another round of Dance Center. It wasn't the best DC ever, let's be honest. But I did enjoy the miniature longhorn steer lodged up in Melissa's backside (an old prairie injury) and the hidden gem in William Levy's scorecard: "loves apples." I also appreciated the utter absurdity of the Dance Center promo, in which Len and Jerry shook their heads disapprovingly at Kenny's lunchtime "snub," even though there were still three empty seats at the popular kids' table ft. Peta eating a banana. But that Vaseline-lens footage of the DANCMSTR jogging poolside in briefs and then oiling himself up was just wrong. Good for him for totally committing to that horror show.
Where did Dancing With the Stars find all those flailing arms that desperately wanted to touch Chris Brown? The rapper-dancer-actor-abuser inexplicably took over the set for most of the afternoon pre-taping his elaborately staged "Turn Up the Music" performance on a neon laser field/catwalk structure. It looked like a completely different show. Frankly I don't see why I should be recapping it.
Annie's Top 7 ("Seh-vehhhhn!") Results Show Moments for Tuesday, May 8, 2012
7. Brooke's fake bangs
6. Len and Bruno sharing a flamboyant "Ooooooooooh" after they both awarded Katherine and Mark a 9
5. That was one lucky guitar dancing the rumba with Dmitry Chaplin and Anya Garnis during their shill for Dancing With the Stars: Live in Las Vegas (personally recommended by Tom).
4. Donald's nickname for Peta is "Pee Pee."
3. Grandma Conchita's "Holla!" hand gesture after she promised Roshon would make it through
2. Tony and Karina's incredible "boomerang lift" at the end of the lively and all-around wonderful American Bandstand tribute to Dick Clark
Tom told me after the show (stay tuned for our video interview on Sunday) that Cheryl gets nervous if he doesn't warn her in this way before every performance, even during dress rehearsals. We can finally see why she's such a huge success!
Did the right two couples head home, DANCMSTRs? Did you enjoy this ****ing results show?
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