Dancing With the Stars recap: Return of the Maks

Plenty of absentee pros come back for Len's Side-by-Side Challenge. Let the Argentine Tang-bro begin!
Ep. 08 | Aired Apr 15, 2013

THREE GEMS AND A BABY Zendaya considers adulthood.

ABC

Victor Ortiz and Lindsay Arnold: 21/30 Watching the crew wheel out several mannequins during a particularly quiet commercial break was one of the eeriest things I've ever witnessed on set. I believe my boyfriend clutched my hand, full of fear and misunderstanding, and just whimpered "Annie…." as we watched them roll by. What was really happening on this planet, and why had I dragged him here? (For the record, I did not -- his visiting mom's love of the show did.)

So even though the opening bars of this Viennese waltz with Tristan and Emma were somewhat disturbing on television, I'd been so initially disturbed behind the scenes that by the time I watched the telecast, the incorporation of the mannequins seemed downright artistic. I loved it! One of those things was a dead ringer for Kym. Great song, too -- INXS' "Never Tear Us Apart." Just a very cool vibe throughout. (Tristan in a Tux tends to produce this overall effect.)

Victor really benefited from the outside pros' help -- he and Lindsay seem to have little fun on their own so they needed a change of pace. He was able to channel more emotion in this waltz, perhaps due to his cheatin' girlfriend, who made him want to "take that pain and put it into these dances." (Someone needed a storyline, stat!)

I loved Victor and Lindsay's slowwww circular downward dip during that sexy saxophone power note. Carrie Ann complained that Lindsay's feet had come off the ground, but Len snapped back, "There was no intent to lift!"

Meanwhile, Bruno complimented Victor on an "elegant, wonderful, pert dance," and then as soon as he said "You were erect," at least 10-15 people in the audience let out significant whoops at such a keyword. This was not heard on TV. I just thought you should know.

Ingo Rademacher and Kym Johnson: 21/30 "You got the flair; we need the care," Len summed up after Ingo's pelvic-thrusting cha cha cha featuring Tony and Emma. I thought Ingo maintained the character of the dance and looked pretty good, though honestly it was hard to focus on him considering all that was going on re: Kym's outfit. In addition to the absolutely giant bow on her behind, Kym was sporting fringed undies, sequined-fringed boobs, and a sturdy vertical line of sparkle that (barely) held these elements together. Just a stunning accomplishment in embellishment, all-around. And yet, during all those drop-down moves, she looked totally nude. How do the costumers do it?! Geniuses, I tell you.

Worth mentioning: I love how, during rehearsal footage, they cut from a goofy shot of Tony demonstrating a move, complete with facial expression, to a shot of him and Melissa winning the trophy last season in which his mouth is AGAPE WITH JOY. We all know the one! Sweet memory.

I wonder if dancing first was the producers' punishment for Ingo's disappointing suggestion to Kym that the pair just "skate by and go unnoticed this week." Wish granted, right? Will anyone remember their performance?

NEXT: Who zip-lined it better: Apolo Ohno or Andy Dick?

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