Kellie Pickler and Derek Hough: 27/30 Henry and Anna stepped in to help out with their foxtrot, providing an excellent opportunity for the show to make their rehearsal segment all about Derek's mood swings. It is understandably soooo frustrating when your partner is not a professional dancer. "It's nice, I get a break," he panted, post-tantrum, after the babysitters had arrived.
Whenever he gets like that, Derek said, Kellie says "I don't hate you, but I hate your ways right now," and it cheers him up. Well then. All is forgiven. Seriously, that was cute.
Derek's routines often have such intricate settings, and I was going nuts over the mid-century decor and the fabulous wallpaper/stencil effect on the floor during this foxtrot. Having the four dancers plus Piano-Playing Stranger made the whole thing feel like we were spying on a particularly glamorous house party after just the right amount of cocktails. I was sorry to have to snap out of it when it was over. I wanted more of the penguin dance! Bruno nearly fell over himself trying to drop as many old movie references as possible, then plugged The Great Gatsby. "Baz Luhrman would use this," he assured the bewigged Kellie, but really Derek for his choreography. "You put the 'oo' in smooth," cooed Len.
Oh, and this just about broke my heart, because it was swelling so much. During a commercial break, Derek took this 92-year-old woman named Doris out for a spin. She'd just told Billy the warmup comic that Derek was her favorite pro.
I MEAN. #sparklebarf
Jacoby Jones and Karina Smirnoff: 26/30 This jive co-starring Maks and Anna was definitely the most fun routine of the night from inside the studio -- and I couldn't even see the start of it, as they were all hidden beyond view in a scary brick-lined back alley down on Sequin Row, playing craps. The energy Jacoby lent to the dance all on his own was infectious, especially after he removed that pesky shirt. I dare say Shirtless/Suspenders is the undisputed look of the season. Everyone who has attempted it has succeeded. Get in line, ladies!
Is Jacoby made of rubber? Is he a closet gymnast? From the double splits moves, to the running leap over Karina's head (no shoulder assistance), to his ultra-flexible knees as he executed that crazy "chicken dance jive legs" move, you have to wonder. He even ended the dance with a gangly back somersault into a handstand into a half-twisting reverse belly flop, then crawled over to Tom as if he'd lost all use of his joints. The man is unstoppable! However, with those pigeon-toed feet, Jacoby will not be getting a 9 from Len.
"Testosterone pouring from everywhere!" cried Bruno. It's out of context -- but not really.
NEXT: I found the pot o' gold! (It's Peta's butt)