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SLATER SUPPORT Friends don't let friends take jive pills.
Amber Riley and Derek Hough: 26/30 Only in the gilded world of a celebrity can getting turned down from American Idol signify "hitting rock bottom." Did you see Amber wail on the pretend-karaoke moment at the end of their foxtrot? Idol had no idea what it was missing! But the real star of "Try a Little Tenderness" was our old friend and the original hidden gem herself: Carmen Carter a.k.a. Princess Sparkle!
Hell yeah! Nice headlight!
But Len, apparently not well-rested from his sojourn across the pond, decided to make this foxtrot one of his "examples." He does this a lot with Derek's dances -- gives them low scores (tonight, a 7 compared to Carrie Ann's 9 and Bruno's 10) because he wants more traditional ballroom content. Obviously it's a risk Derek is willing, and can afford, to take. His routines are flashy, but he does flash better than anyone. Len wanted more of the dance to be in hold. I'm such a dummy I never would've suspected that. Plenty of it was in hold. Not enough, I guess!
Bill Engvall and Emma Slater: 24/30 Bill, on the other hand, impressed Len after spending much of his Viennese waltz in hold, though the head judge also admitted the dance was "a little skimpy here and there" and a little rushed on occasion. Overall I found this Viennese waltz to be very gentle (even with some elaborate head-swirls from Emma!) and sweet, which coincided nicely with its dedication to Bill's wife Gail.
"My whole career's about me," Bill told us. "Rarely does she get any credit or accolades." So here, take a Viennese waltz and enjoy it, dammit! "She deserves all of 'em," he said. Aww. Very cute.
Leah Remini and Tony Dovolani: 22/30 "He's pulling the strings," explained Leah of her contemporary with Tony, in which he manipulated her like a marionette. "Whatever that means. That could be anything." IS IT MAYBE SCIENTOLOGY? How Leah managed to ramble on about overcoming victimhood and celebrating independence without mentioning her former Church was truly maddening. Not that I feel like I need to know more about her break from its "hold." I think you know what I mean. Just…enough. Enough now.
Nothing screams "Katy Perry's 'Roar'" more than Katy Perry screaming "Roar" through the speakers instead of the dulcet tones of the Harold Wheeler Band, so Leah and Tony went with that. The dance featured a lot of Leah running up and down a stair-pyramid and declaring her independence, except for the time she scooched her butt onto her puppeteer's shoulders and rode around for awhile.
Carrie Ann nailed it (the horror!) with her comment that this dance was trick after trick and "not one seamless storytelling moment." "Well, I can't do that because I'm not a dancer," interrupted Leah. OMG. Stop it. We get it.
What did Leah think about her two 7s and an 8? "You don't wanna know. It's not for this audience."
Whatever that means. That could mean anything.
Was Christina and Mark's elimination shocking, or just par for the course at this point? Did you need caffeine pills to get through my attempts to express how SO EXCITED I was?