Image credit: ABC
SLATER SUPPORT Friends don't let friends take jive pills.
Corbin Bleu and Karina Smirnoff: 28/30 Here's some more reality-TV-viewing validation for you: If you didn't watch Dancing With the Stars, you might have lived your whole life without knowing that Corbin Bleu's little sister suffers from scoliosis. That's just not a world I wanna live in. Phoenix's big bro encouraged the 12-year-old to keep her dreams big, via a lovely, frothy pink foxtrot that may or may not have included a lift at the beginning.
Carrie Ann just needs to give it up! The Lift Police is something only she cares about. There is no one else in that department. I think she just likes having an official title on the show other than Headbanging Loon, Fell Out of Chair.
Head ref Tom Bergeron requested an instant replay for the lift in question -- and yes, duh, how is this not an option in this day and age? All the other official sports have instant replay; it's time for Dancing With the Stars to get on board. Karina insisted her foot never left the ground, and Carrie Ann volunteered to up her score from a 9 to a 10 if the playback proved her wrong. She never got the chance: An edict from Lord Mirrorballus himself in the control room said all scores are FINAL.
Bruno complimented Corbin's "incredible stylistic look," calling him the love child of Fred Astaire and Ben Vereen. "It's too bad Bill Nye the Science Guy isn't here to explain how that would work," quipped Tom.
Brant Daugherty and Peta Murgatroyd: 27/30 I agreed with Brant that Elton John's "Your Song" was the perfect tune to which to honor pretty much anyone, and his sob story about his dad, who passed away from lymphoma in 2009, was very affecting -- maybe more than Brant and Peta's dance itself, which seemed a bit too paint-by-numbers contemporary to me. It was all a blur of desperate reaching and pained, almost angry looks that I believe were supposed to convey passion. Maybe I just had trouble grasping the dance's intended effect due to the dim lighting. I wanted to feel more from the dance.
I probably just need to watch it again, so that like Carrie Ann, I can "wrap my heart around that routine."
Jack Osbourne and Cheryl Burke: 27/30 Jack dedicated the waltz to his wife Lisa and literally gem-worthy baby daughter Pearl, without whom he never would have made it through the dark days following his diagnosis of Multiple Sclerosis. I liked how he and Cheryl were appealing to families, the diseased, and Romeo + Juliet fans all at once with that cover of Des'ree's "Kissing You." Len called out some peculiar hand movements and lack of musicality from Jack, but the judges agreed that the general quality of their waltz was tip-top. Carrie Ann, apparently in the process of writing a new tome on mindfulness in the ballroom, told Jack, "The grace of your being always manages to slip into the grace of your dancing."
Cheryl's waltz costume was basically what I consider to be that of the perfect DWTS Superhero: Two white silk boob panels converging on a gleaming, silver "illusion of underwear" codpiece. Of course it all starts and finishes with a single strand of beads -- ostensibly tethered to the DWTS Superhero costume at the neck and butt, yet flopping around desperately in the air-conditioned breeze amidst splatter-paint lighting and starburst spotlights. Ballroom elegance at its finest.
NEXT: America runs on Jive Pills