Have my 17 (SEVENTEEN!) seasons of watching Dancing With the Stars just been validated? On Week 5's "Most Memorable Year of My Life" show, Elizabeth Berkley Lauren and Val "Zack Attack" Chmerkovskiy paid homage to the finest and fiercest caffeine pill dance party in television history: Jessie Spano's "I'm so excited! I'm so… scared!" breakdown in Saved by the Bell. (Compare the ballroom version to the original over on PopWatch!)
And they acted out the scene in Jessie's bedroom, with Val urging Elizabeth to put down the deadly non-prescription medication (JIVE PILLS!) and just trust in her ability to dance. Rrrrrrrrrrrrring! clanged a school bell. And instead of sputtering out that she was "scared," grown-up Jessie (with the same, unbelievably luminous curl-cloud of hair) was.... "Ready!"
It was over-the-top, smothered with extra cheese, and topped off with a hearty dollop of ridiculata. I've never been more satiated. I'm sure she just did it to get lunatic Saved by the Bell fans who were enamored by high school fashions and too young to realize they were watching a terrible show [awkwardly raises hand] to shut up already about re-living "I'm So Excited."
But I don't care. If that's the case, then she's a tremendously good sport. In a strange, pill-poppy sort of way, I feel like that absurd re-staging of Jessie Spano's bedroom is what I've been waiting for in Dancing With the Stars all along.
Man, that is sort of depressing! And so is this, if you're Christina Milian and Mark Ballas: The couple, who earned the first 10 of the season -- and a "From Len, the 10!" at that (huh? no.) -- for their neon-fringed cha cha cha earlier in the evening, were eliminated on Week 5. They looked truly shocked. This comes on the heels of last week's guest judge Julianne Hough slamming Mark for his self-spotlighting choreographic tendencies. But I don't think her comments had anything to do with them not getting enough votes. Right?
Christina's elimination was more likely just a case of "No one is so excited." That sound you didn't just hear is a few random people across the country lazily typing "who is christina milian" into their phones and then not waiting for the answer to fully load because... ooh, look, Halloween candy on the side table.
Sorry, Paris Hilton! Do(n't) come again.
NEXT: Will the judges please reveal their scores? Carrie Ann Inahhhhh-ber!