Ugggggggggggghhhh! I'm going to keep beginning results recaps with that beautifully composed sentiment until we get better results. Tonight's double elimination -- designed to get rid of the lesser dancers in the competition -- extinguished the sparkly flames of two very capable dancers with tons of drive and charisma. Former champions Helio Castroneves and his partner Chelsie Hightower, and Drew Lachey and his partner Anna Trebunskaya, got the high-heeled boot.
Well, damn. That was brutal. We had a feeling one of those two couples would head home because both had been in the bottom two, but after Monday night's blatant display of unrest within the creepy Bristol Palin-Mark Ballas partnership and yet another round of bottom-level scores from them, I thought maybe Helio or Drew could have been saved. "He really wanted it -- he loved every minute of it," Chelsie said of Helio. "It makes your job easier when you're with someone who truly enjoys it, and he is the epitome of that."
And then there was poor Drew, who might have been taking this season even more seriously than Gilles Marini, and that is really saying something. But nope, sorry guys. Waltz on off that floor so that a contestant who clearly has no more interest in hanging around…can hang around! And pout. And fight. And dance like a zombie. That's so fun! What a joy for us Dancing With the Stars lovers to watch. America rules.
Hey Mark -- you excited for another week of this mess?
On a brighter note, I really enjoyed the game show style of the rest of the show -- it added a sense of levity you would never expect on a double elimination night. We had Tom and Brooke toying with the couples up on the stage before announcing they were safe at the top of the show, and then at one point BBC randomly sent four couples "down to stage" from her mountaintop. Madness, I tell you! And the actual "game show" -- the couples choosing one of 10 undesirable dance styles for their opponents -- was hilarious. I loved Emmitt and Cheryl's complete non-reaction to receiving "Bolero," and Sabrina's flub as she ended up choosing the Charleston for Kirstie instead of what the couple would obviously prefer (DUH): rock and roll. "Oh Kirstie, nooooooo!" Oh well! He can't be Maks Jagger forever.
"The clock is ticking…." Brooke kept reminding everyone as they struggled. As if the stakes couldn't be any higher! And was the clock actually ticking? Was there any sense of urgency at all? Who cared? "This is fun!" exclaimed BBC. "Yeah, I know!" corroborated Tom in a roughly 65% more enthused version of his beloved golf announcer voice. More game shows, please!
Next week's dance card:
Gilles and Peta: Bollywood (OMG)
Louis and Sabrina: Disco
Shawn and Derek: Mambo
Emmitt and Cheryl: Bolero
Apolo and Karina: Hip Hop
Melissa and Tony: Jitterbug
Kelly and Valentin: Contemporary (!!!)
Helio and Chelsie: Broadway
Kirstie and Maks: Charleston (LOL)
Bristol and Mark: Rock and Roll
No one has ever looked happier to have to dance disco than Louis Van Intensité!
NEXT: The Top 7 ("seh-vehhhhhn!") moments of the results show