Dancing With the Stars recap: Shackled In My Embrace

The top three couples are revealed as Meryl and Maks dominate part one of the finale
Ep. 10 | Aired May 19, 2014

Candace Cameron Bure and Mark Ballas: 27/30 Oh Candace, of course you would get the quickstep for finals. It was unlucky, but at least she and Mark had a great partnership, right? Sort of. Emotions quickly ran high in rehearsals, which led to Candace crying. However, Mark handled the situation like a champ by ignoring her and telling her she was being dramatic. I honestly don't think I've ever liked Mark more than in that moment.

And then, Candace's heart nearly shattered  when Mark hurt his rotator cuff and had to go to the emergency room. But don't worry. Mark was dancing through it (and he was still better than his partner). Sorry if I'm being harsh, but I'm sick of watching Candace over-think steps and mess up. And you know things are bad when they try to divert attention with a truly awful rendition of Rihanna's "Umbrella."

Seeing through it, all I could think was, "Is this a quickstep or a slowstep?" OK, I never said my insults were good.

Carrie Ann made some comment about how every woman has related to Candace's emotional journey, to which I raised my hand in protest. Sorry, but just because I'm a woman doesn't mean I'm as emotional as Candace. Also, I'd like to think I have better rhythm. For the most part, the judges tried to compliment the lighthearted side of the routine, but it was clear Candace knew it wasn't perfect.

Brief pause for Candace's comment about how Mark going to the hospital resulted in the hardest day of her life -- aside from childbirth. Honey, you were a child star, so I find that very hard to believe. Even if you were just a normal person, I'd still find that hard to believe. And this is no insult to Mark or their relationship. It's just an observation of an over-reaction.

And what was her comment about needing a "release of pressure"? What exactly was she asking for? (And yes, my mind went straight to dirty thoughts.)

P.S. Remember to breathe! A professional told you to, so you should probably, you know, try it.

Amy Purdy and Derek Hough: 30/30 Amy and Derek's salsa rehearsal hit a few (literal) bumps when her back started spasming, but it was just another hurdle she was ready to jump over.

Their solution to the stress of the week? Derek played her butt like he was (a clothed) Matthew McConaughey and her cheeks were a set of bongos. And you know what? I liked it. Other than the butt-drums, I was a bit distracted by the fringe on her outfit, and there was one lift where I screamed for fear that she was going to smack her head, but Derek was clearly really feeling this routine. And I will say her footwork was sharp. (Can I be a guest judge yet?)

Len loved the bright, fabulous routine. Bruno called it "flashy, exhilarating, flamboyant." And no, he was not talking about himself. (Good one, Bruno!) Also, don't expect Bruno to ignore the butt-drums. He complimented Derek on his "great instrument." Finally, Carrie Ann cackled and talked about Amy's improvement.

NEXT: Meryl and Maks win at life

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