Image credit: ABC
STAIRWAY TO DISCO HEAVEN The standard purple steps were nowhere near "Strong Enough" to support Bill and Emma's appropriately absurd routine on their own.
What'd she say? Investigate with me, gemshoes. The bleep occurred right after Cher enthused that she'd liked "the rough part" of Spiderweb Bodysuit and Zero Shirt's adventures in burlesque. "I like it when…. [Bleeeeeeeeeeeep]," Cher continued. (The offending language begins at 2:26 below.)
Despite my years of watching TV on mute as my entire life passes me by, I have yet to become a lip-reading expert. But if I'm not mistaken, could Cher have said something as simple as "….when the woman's in control"? (Or a different term for woman.) And ABC bleeped it out because the "rough" comment had implied a sexual situation, and you can't show that on television?
Whatever Cher's comment was, Elizabeth Berkley Lauren got super-serious, as Elizabeth Berkley Lauren does, and seized her opportunity to transmit direct communication to Cher. "I want to thank you for showing women they can create their own rules, and that resiliency is a powerful thing," she told one of the original showgirls. Awww.
Bill Engvall and Emma Slater: 24/30 Sure, Bill may have had musicality issues and a bunch of missed steps during their "Strong Enough" disco. But I can honestly say I never, ever notice Bill Engvall's technical mistakes. If there were a separate scoring column for GOING FOR IT, Bill would get a perfect 30 every week. His delighted madman cackles post-dance alone make me want to be a better person and take more pride in this crazy little thing I do called a job. I want to be insane!
Thanks to readers and hidden gem hunters Colleen, johoallen, and VexTheVixen, for spotting Bill's wink toward disco heaven (and us)!
This disco fever-inspired dance-vomit is another one of those relentlessly absurd routines that signify what Dancing With the Stars is all about. (Hey, I should make an official list of those.) But you know what I mean. This dance had everything: boob feathers, an unnecessary second sparkly staircase, all-white after Labor Day, a crazy amount of lifts where the girl's legs act as hooks around the guy's neck thus creating an illusion of a feather boa scarf -- you know, the works. I live for these routines. This show is barely about dancing, after all. It's times like this I can really embrace that.
Cher performed "Believe" with her own backup dancers (decoys) and Our Pros in a vocally and physically wobbly yet life-affirming opening number. But I much preferred the pre-taped "I Hope You Find It," featuring Tony and Tyne.
Tyne is like three pounds. I love it. Three extra points awarded to Tony and Tyne!
To sum up: FEATHERS. Feathers everywhere. And not a drop to drink.
Did you like Cher as a guest judge?
If not, did you at least appreciate all the crazy costumes she and her music inspired?