Image credit: ABC
STAIRWAY TO DISCO HEAVEN The standard purple steps were nowhere near "Strong Enough" to support Bill and Emma's appropriately absurd routine on their own.
"We currently have a three-way tie. Maybe Amber and Derek can definitively take the lead...." OH, YOU THINK? Excellent guess, Tom. (Oh my God, I did not mean for it to sound like I was yelling at Tom Bergeron. Can you imagine? That's the stuff of nightmares!) It was just soooo obvious that the last pair to dance would win the one extra fantasy point and immunity from the dreaded Dance Off.
Amber Riley and Derek Hough: 28/30 rumba + 1 = 29 Tristan MacManus in a sailor suit. End of description.
No, silly me. The real story is that Derek Hough, sailor in chief, went shirtless for the rumba! Ahoy! He gets one of these per season, which means he never seems quite comfortable with the decision. Cher-Der could stand to take some lessons from perpetually shirtless Val on how to refrain from repeatedly touching one's nipples once they're out in the open. We get it! You're exposed! Live with your choices, man. Deal with the brutal temperature under the blazing spotlights.
Meanwhile, Amber, who was rocking some amazing Cher Hair this week, skipped the fringed belly chain and deep-V thong (it's underwear and a shirt!) I fondly recall from the "Turn Back Time" video, though I suppose we don't know what secrets rested under her tasteful knee-length leather skirt. Their rumba was pretty good -- well, it must've been if Bruno awarded it the only "Tehhhhhhn!" of the night -- but Carrie Ann called Amber and Derek out on not pushing herself a little bit further. This, after she'd been admitted to the hospital for her troublesome knee tendons. Girl can't win! (Though she will probably win Dancing With the Stars.)
Leah Remini and Tony Dovolani: 25/30 Viennese waltz + 3 = 28 During rehearsal footage, Leah was really excited to have Cher in her corner despite having no real proof of this. But Leah was RIGHT! Sonny Dovolani made a brilliant move in choreographing their Viennese Waltz as the original meet-cute between Sonny and Cher at a coffee shop. As for the dance itself, it kind of seemed like Tony was dragging her around, but he was probably under strict orders to lead her into the Celebripocket at one edge of the stage, which housed Chaz Bono, J. Lo, and Casper the Friendly Dancer. Once Leah's alliance with superstardom had been reaffirmed, we were free to zero in on those high-heeled boots she keeps wearing instead of regular dance heels. She must need the extra ankle support. Smart lady.
NEXT: Compliment rescinded due to hairy fringe-legs