Dancing With the Stars recap: Mo Medals, Mo Problems

The semi-finals are all about American Icons, and one Olympian says goodbye
Ep. 09 | Aired May 12, 2014

Amy Purdy and Derek Hough: 39/40 This jazz number had me torn, honestly. I think Derek is a ridiculously talented choreographer, but I wanted to watch this get performed by two pros. I felt like it was too good for a celeb. Instead of being mesmerized by the artistry, I annoyed myself by being all "not much happened." I can guarantee that had this been on So You Think You Can Dance, it would've been one of my favorite numbers.

After Tom's comment about "Amy, Derek, and a very happy table," the judges basically spent the next few minutes praising Derek for his amazingness. Kenny said he redefines choreography for this generation, so to sum things up: Derek can go to bed happy tonight.

Commercial break note: Are they making it rain with actual money? And can I get some of the leftovers in the mail?

James Maslow and Peta Murgatroyd: 36/40 This country rumba thing was not my cup of tea. First of all, if you're going to go country, go country. What was that blue metallic stuff? It felt like she was the Little Mermaid and he was a confused cowboy. You can't have it both ways, guys. As a girl who grew up in Virginia, I'm just telling you how it is.

Call me crazy, but I didn't love James in this routine. I thought he was a little stiff, and I don't get what people are talking about when they compliment his hips. For me, the real winner of this number was the random hottie the camera panned to in the crowd. I'd like to edit my request: I'd like some of that leftover "making it rain" money and that guy's number. Thanks, ABC!

Carrie Ann liked James' hips but called him out on needing to extend all the way through his weird hands, which set off something on the judges' panel, because we spent the next two minutes discussing how to fix his hands. That aside, they loved it a lot more than I did.

Although I did love how Erin 100 percent did not believe James' supposed Southern background. Perhaps Erin and I see eye-to-eye more than I even realized.

Meryl Davis and Maksim Chmerkovskiy: 40/40 And we're back to my favorites! At first, I was worried about Meryl's long skirt for this waltz, but I should've known she'd be fine. Meryl and Maks' chemistry on this number was out of this world. I've never wanted them to kiss more in my life, and based on Bruno's reaction when they almost did, it's safe to say I'm not sailing that 'ship alone! Also, how cute was their high five after they finished? Ugh. Twue wuv.

Len loved the number, and Kenny was blown away by how they left nothing on the floor but a little sweat. Bruno made another movie reference, and Carrie Ann -- with her hair full of secrets (or probably bugs) -- loved watching the room watch Meryl. Then she mirrored my sentiments perfectly when she screamed, "You better not go home!"

But in case you've forgotten, Tom was here to remind you: An Olympian will go home tonight! Did you hear that? An Olympian!

Final note: Maks in suspenders? Yes, please. Maks in suspenders talking about how Meryl had changed him for the better? I can't even handle it.

And in a highly stressful elimination, Charlie and Sharna left the competition, after which Charlie quickly declared himself #TeamMeryl. I'm not going to lie: I'm not happy with this elimination. I'm glad Meryl is still around, but I'm over watching Candace and James with their hips that lie to me every single week. Do you all agree?

Here are the contestants' total scores from the night, which will be combined with your votes next week:

Meryl: 80
Amy: 78
James: 76
Candace: 72

I'll see you all at the finals. If you need me before then, I'll be listening to Queen's greatest hits and making sure my hips don't lie.

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