Dancing With the Stars recap: Mo Medals, Mo Problems

The semi-finals are all about American Icons, and one Olympian says goodbye
Ep. 09 | Aired May 12, 2014

Amy Purdy and Derek Hough: 39/40 Before taking on the quickstep and a jazz number this week, Amy got a little call from superfan Oprah, as in Oprah Winfrey. Sorry, guys, if you don't know who she is, go here.

Long story short, Oprah is a huge DWTS fan and promised to take Amy and Derek to dinner, but only if they win, which I thought was kind of brilliant.

The quickstep was first. Amy was wearing a new set of legs that really allowed her to bounce around the dance floor. I was horrified that she and Derek were going to hit heads at one point, but they both got away without any bumps or bruises. And Derek was feeling real good about it. Cue Tiger Woods fist pump!

Bruno thought Amy's lightness of touch was incredible, and Carrie Ann thought she went full throttle. Carrie Ann also made a comment about "because of the way everything's working down there," to which I would just like to say: No. Please stop.

Moving on, Len thought there was "plenty of bounce to the ounce," though he would've liked more body contact, and Kenny would like the world to know it's his mother's 88th birthday! Also, his family calls her Triple Amy, which is something I should probably get, but please don't hate me if I don't. I'm only halfway through my Diet Pepsi.

Upstairs, Derek got serious about life, talking about how pressure doesn't really exist but rather we create it. Honestly, I've never had a thought that deep in my life, and suddenly I want to go on a zen retreat with Derek. We'll do yoga during the day and dance at night. Who's in? We can bring Tom to narrate and make fun of everyone and everything.

For the judges, Len was the only holdout for a 10, which is why dear old "Lenny" got booed. Also, this is when we found out all three Olympians were in jeopardy, a phrase that Tom would repeat at least 8 times during the show.

James Maslow and Peta Murgatroyd: 40/40 James was dancing a cha cha to Michael Jackson's new song, which meant he needed to meet up with L.A. Reid, which I'm sure had nothing to do with his music career. All in all, I thought the performance was fun, but I felt that James' chest popping could've used some work. Yes, he was smooth, but let's not compare him to MJ, because no. Also, was this dance shorter than all the others?

Important side note: Paul Anka was in the crowd! But before you get too excited, not that Paul Anka. Rather, the human Anka co-wrote that song and thought he'd pay the ballroom a little visit. Carrie Ann, for one, couldn't believe it. Through her screams about Paul Anka, she said James was spectacular -- but not as spectacular as freakin' Paul Anka! -- and Len thought it was a fantastic blend of cha cha and MJ. Kenny thought it was electrifying, and Bruno decided there was a bit of "Smooth Criminal" in James' upper half, and a bit of "Bad" in his pelvic thrusts. Bravo, Bruno.

P.S. James was sick, and a perfect score is the perfect cure for nausea! If only I could find a dance competition next time I'm sick?

Commercial break secret: The trick to Carrie Ann's hair = she has a curling iron at the judges' panel! My hair never stood a chance.

NEXT: Maks kisses everyone

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